August 12, 2008, 12.44 pm the usual place

My mind whirls. It feels like such relief to just get back to impure writing again. Writing simply for the sake of it. Not for comments, not for grammatical accuracy. Not for acceptance in the blogosphere. You carved out a different personality for yourself. Went in disguise. But still, when that personality started to develop a reputation of its own, you became self conscious gain. You wanted to make sure that even that ghost personality was cool and in with the crowd. This disgusts me.

My Mind is a whirl. Yes I know that this is the second time I am saying that but what do you expect in a whirl other than to see the same things circulating over and over again in endless circles that keep going on and on and on.

Trying to focus. I can’t. The VISA looms ahead. Going abroad looms ahead. Yet I cannot face myself to the possibility that I will fail to gain entry into the Masters program. I desperately need to do so. I feel. Going to the bachelors is going to set me back TWO whole years! Damn…

I will know soon. In the next few days hopefully. Things are grim. Add to that the failure of me being always on my feet doing what I gotta do to get it. The failure of me manifested in the fear parties that I throw within my confines that are the causations of writings which as these. I do not know why I can’t just blindly go on ahead. Why do I have to stop to think? To dwell on the fears of failure when doing so will only increase my chances of failing?

Ok. So what do I have to do next? The wisdom exists born of my own meager life experience. When you do not know what to do, start at the smallest thing you CAN do. The most obvious thing. It could be the tedious but simple task you have been trying to finish for the last couple of days and have panicked thinking that you have neglected the other important ones. But finish this. And finish this is I will.