Rejection

The uncovered beunovista of the fledgling and the masses. Rears up its ugly head and looks me in the eye. Will it attack? I rather think it will not but its baleful glare pierces my brow and defends the equality of the Magellan triangle of the demarcated universe and sets the grand scheme of the top wizards in the higher echelons of the council of power in question.

I raise my doubts as to the sanity of the aforementioned operation and I am met with severe opposition often bordering upon mindless violence. Blearing and glaring the modern troll of vengeance will float among the greenwood trees and divulge no information but the people of the green marches will always have a home in the place of my heart.

A noise of rejection can be enough to still the strongest soul and the pain will weaken the hardest beast. But rejection in itself if a test of endurance a test of the pain you can bear before you crack of inwardly mobile loneliness and senseless desperation in the inner reaches of your love stoned mind. The reek of it will bore into you and you will feel the pain of it become a part of you. You will weigh yourself down and every step you take under this condition will make you feel like your feet are made of the heaviest metal invented by man.

This pain will fight all attempts at reason that your mind will throw up and will counter attack with its own particular type of reasoning. It will remind you that everything that is reasonable has its reason embedded in the point of view it is looked through and since your point of view could be said to depend on you mindset at the time of reasoning it out a lot will depend on your various personalities and how they counter each other inside your head and that will depend on how strong your core belief systems are and if indeed, you do possess such a set of values. It will question the darkest areas of you mind which you thought you were safe from. It will open doors that were never meant to be opened and it can let out demons trapped there by your mind’s instinct for self protection. It will bemuse confuse and ridicule you and it will exhaust you with attempts at reasoning and justifying the things that happened to you.

So you are now stuck in a state of utter confusion all triggered by a simple sequence of incidents that happened through the course of one day. You are utterly flabbergasted and cannot decide if the fact of being rejected is worse than the fact of not being able to understand why you are so upset in the first place. This is getting on your nerves and now you are mad at yourself. This is a day later now and you are trying to convince yourself to move on.

But the cavity that the pain dug into you is still bleeding strong. It seems like a giant bulldozer carved into your collective soul and almost reached the central core of the essential being that is you. It is a crater inside you and you are right now trying to climb its walls before it gets totally dark again so that you might have a chance of seeing some sunlight before the dusk closes in.

You Know What Pisses Me off the Most?

Holy mackaroli!
The days just wear on,
These holey wackazolies,
Contiuously piss me off.

These one brained mentazissos,
These numbskulled mentafizzos,
I am amazed at their stupidity,
But no one to tell it to.

They come and they go,
Seemingly unawares,
Or uncaringly mentalizzo,
Of the outside world and its scares.

These are the type of people,
Who'll believe the goddamn media,
Who percieve truth and leadership,
Just 'cos the damn authority is there.

Will they bend down to bigger powers,
All their bosses with no hair,
Will they listen to these selfish buggers,
Till they are no more there?

DAMN IT PISSES ME OFF!
these wacky closed minded morons!
the world is bigger than you,
you and your date and your damn car!

if i could get hold of all of em at once,
id shake them till their teeth rattled,
and scream till i exhaust my lungs,
THE WORLD IS OUT THERE!!!!!

Vision Statement

Sitting in front of my PC, I am wondering what to write. It is not essential that I write something, but it would be nice to express in words what is swirling through the inner reaches of my mind.

Words give meanings to thoughts, emotions and provocations. Without putting them into words, at least coherently in your own mind, it is almost impossible to deduce what we feel inside and what actually ‘goes on’ inside our heads.

I let myself float free, a particle of dust in the vast space of a canyon, or a feather floating through a summertime forest high among the trees. The feather reaches a clearing and floats down to get a closer look. There are some people in the clearing and they seem to be men. Perhaps they are soldiers, and are collecting firewood or maybe erecting a camp for the day.

It is hopeless. This is absolutely hopeless. I am trying to electrify my mind out of this state of constant numbness, this passive nature of non-aggressive thoughtfulness. This calm façade that I know must eventually break and release the anger and frustration within. I am trying to curb the outbreak by letting out the fierce waters of the dam in a constant trickle. That will be much better than fierce floodwaters that could wash away all in its path.

Whenever I hear myself think, I wonder if my father thinks the same way. He is a great man, but I want to be different from him, although not completely different. I have not yet figured out what kind of a man he is. He is an eternal mystery. Either he is the best I ever knew at letting people not see what he is really thinking or what he is really about, or it has become a second nature to him over the years and he simply does not know how to show emotion.

Well whatever said and done, I will lay out here what kind of a man I think I should be. First of all I should be God fearing, for there is no future without Him, I should be fiercely honest even when it can cause me harm, I should be a man of my word and once it is given (and the conditions pertaining to it are made clear), I should not stop until I have fulfilled my side of the bargain. I should be loving towards my fellow human beings. I should be aggressive when the moment demands it, but not lose the sanity of my thoughts in the whirlwind of rage.

I will always maintain a cool head and always have the sense to consider my options and decide logically what to do even if I am a few feet away from being hit by a speeding train. My thoughts should never go into slumber and I should always be alert and coherent.

I pray to Allah that this may be so.