short haircuts futewuh!

at least for me. we all have an image we are comfortable with and nothing seems to work as well for me as crew cuts do.

conductors (the bus variety) refer to me as 'aiya' now and gone are the days when they used to rudely shove me aside and snap at me to move up the aisle.

like just the night before last i was being a real annoying bastard in the bus cos i was hogging the footboard and the conda (as he is fondly known) found his movements vastly restricted. but not a word of protest did he utter. he bore me -  the pain in his ass, patiently for a long time before respectfully asking; aiya kohenda bahinne? big brother, pray tell, where doth will you get off my bus?

so i told him.

and he most politely told me; 'waadiwenna'.  please, why don't you take a seat?

so i did.

and just last evening i was ambling down Rudra Mawatha in Wella and this three wheel brother hailed me and said;

'Aiya, podi support ekak denna puluwanda?' Big brother, how about some help here?

his back tyre had a flat and he was missing a jack. so he needed me to help him lift the tuk and hold it in the air while he changed the tyre. and no, of course im not talking about lifting the tuk bodily right off the ground, i meant raise it so its back wheel was off the ground you dufus.

so i help him out and while we're at it i question him;

didnt you have a jack?

didnt have a jack no! he says

then he says 'sorry ah, almost done'

i say 'ah shape shape no problem'

then hes done and he utters a thanks and i say ok and walk off.

Just as if i do that sort of thing everyday!

You know what else rhymes with 'everyday'? Lingerie or lawnjeray.

i need some advice, preferably from discerning young ladies, with regard to this product. why does wearing sexy underwear under drab office clothes make a woman feel more confident? its not like your clothes getting ripped off near the photocopier is an everyday occurence is it? i understand about the lift and shape factor but really, is that all there is to it?

Please, help a brother out. its for an assignment i swear.

the love-lust connundrum

lust - i want to bang you

love - i want to bang you forever

there. see? simple.

Lingerie Beach

If there was ever a story that competed for the prize of most amount of idiotic characters it would be Troy. Or the Illiad. Now don't get me wrong, im a greek mythology buff just like you, or unlike you, but you've gotta admit the fact.

And Priam was the biggest fool of them all.

I had forgotten how great a run and a dip in the sea felt like since i left Wadduwa. The last time it was around 11 in the morning. On weekeds i'd run till i couldn't run anymore down the southern stretch of beach. then it was my habit to find a log in front of some still under construction hotel or deserted coconut estate and play the Michaelangelo.

That day i was just gazing at the water and i saw some chap in there waist deep just lounging, and it hit me like a wild coconut; how come i never thought of that before? So there was i, in the water for about half an hour, practically deserted beach, blue sea under a sun in an even bluer sky. Damn, the waves were so cool, the sand...

Ah best memories album, this one belongs in that.

Today it was at Mount beach, around 7pm. it was crowded. but i still spent some time in the water. ah the city aint got nothing on Wadduwa. But i'll tell you about one interesting place on Mount beach; once you pass all the restaurants on the nothern side, and keep going, you come to a deserted area which restaurants and tourists have failed to infiltrate. there are a few slums i think. You keep going and you soon come upto this potrusion of rock.

Its quite wide and there's some sort of building on top of it. and you cant reach it unless the tide is low. its a cool place. to the north you can see the whole shoreline of Colombo, with the lights glittering in the dark, and to the south its mount beach.

parking is a bitch though. a word of advice, its absolutely hopeless driving down beach road past the last turn off on weekend evenings or any other crowded time. You wont be able to find any parking one, and even if you do; two you'll have to bend in five different directions at the same time on the way back.

Once you're done running, you can grab a juice. theres a good place on Galle road somewhere opposite Lion Pub. Affordable and it'd prolly be a safe bet to say that they can and have made a juice out of any fruit in season at the moment. you can even get em with ice cream..

mmm.. ice cream.

Today's post courtesy; The Lingerie Industry; because you know your man deserves it..I guess you have to do a project on it to realize that thong swimwear comes in male versions as well.

where is your mind?

no actually that is a very legitimate question

where is your mind? the 'is' is in italics. you think thoughts that take you to the mediterranian sailing with a topless model to the breakers of hawai on a king size surfborad riding a huge ass wave.

then you are in space, you are captain spliff. not the comic book dammit. you are the_Captain_Spliff.

you take off like a rocket your tail lighted up and streaming smoke across the vast vast galaxy. you are a discoverer of alien races. you are the harbinger of news from Outside. They thought they were alone. Then they met you. Then they wished they were alone again.

the mind the mind. have we ever realized the vast power of the mind? we can span the entire universe and then rush back to focus on that little ant running up your arm to get at that speck of honey you dribbled onto your stomach while eating your toast.

mmmm... honey and toast.

the mystery that is inside our own heads is the biggest mystery we'll ever know. a moment of deja vu when you innocently walk in the door and a friend greets you with a good natured insult; 'Hey asshole hope your day turns out worse than mine!' at that moment you see that girl you've been lusting after walk out the ladies washroom giving you that backward glance and smile with a fling of her hair while you're lauging good naturedly but slowly experiencing that melting feeling thats at the same time sweet as it is bitter.

yes, there's a word for it i know.

That moment was in your mind. you knew about it before. it was created by your mind so that you could make it your own reality. you glance bemusedly, you shake your head, mutter deja frikkin vu man and walk off to get your tea.

you're a spoonbender. and while everyone else calls you a freak and a fake. you still have the satisfaction of shutting their gobs up when you bend metal from ten feet away.
]#]==

you close your eyes, you write. and you dont know the person who just took over your body.

psychologists do psyche not because they're good at the mechanics of the mind. they are merely curious. curious about what goes on inside their own heads. in a way, they are possibly the most mentally obsessed human beings among us, they are true adventurers in the realms of mystery; perhaps one of the last great mysteries alive on earth.

but they rationalize. they belittle. culture doesnt like mystery. the species abhors not knowing. the human ego will not allow it. we know everything.

but i say bullshit. we know something, but it is nothing compared to everything there is to know. and as long as we keep denying that there is nothing more to know than what we already know, we know nothing.

so, where is your mind?

and yes, im going thru a fight club revival

I am Jack's cold sweat

He made me do it. i am now crumbling before the forces. they are slowly but steadily bringing me down to my knees. i feel the dream slipping away so carefully sustained oh so carefully, for twenty five years..

Whats with society and its tendency to bring you down when you want glory?

i mean you want to be an astronaut when you are a kid and then you realize that the closest you will ever get to it is smoking up at Lannys on a Sunday evening.

there are three things you need.

Chance and Choice

ok thats two things

But you also need some willpower

and you need to stop rambling.

psychotic psychosis.

the moon. You wanted to be an astronaut then you discovered the moon landing was a hoax.

if it wasnt a hoax then where are the celebrations? why do we not see the glory of American scientific achievement plastered all over the media?

Why don't we see intervews and pictures of Armstrong and the other guys. Incidentally, didn't one of these other guys die recently? i don't know, it wasnt really reported in the media

are we crackpots? if we are, are we cracked for believing in the moon landing or disbelieving in it?

NASA wants to go back. Neil Armstrong is happy cos he thinks he may have dropped his pencil there the last time he went.

He was particularly attached to that pencil..

Ted X Colombo!

Taking place at Punchi Theater this Sunday. Tedx Colombo will be exploring themes like post war development, the language barrier and the future of technology in Sri Lanka. It will feature some great speakers and also some landmark TED speeches from global TED conferences.

It's at 9.00 am. you can register to ensure a place for the whole event. See the BeyondBorders blog for more details.

For a taste of what it's going to be like visit the official TED site. If you haven't seen a single TED talk in your life then i am laughing in your face and patting you on the shoulder sympathetically ;) no seriously, they're great. Check em out. I recommend this to start with.

100 words

100 words?

do you even know how small a write up of one hundred words is?

i was a squrrel, running on the trees in the upper Ramtops when Nanny Ogg converted me into a lovely damsel that seduced the king and is now queen of Lancre

I am the beast inside HAL that morphed into physical form when my last passenger left me and now i roam in search of those that installed the monoliths on my home moon

i am the last spark of mordor within which the ring buried its evil power and now i float on, ever burning seeking a cool flower to embed my spark in.

I am the avenger of Torts that struck wonderland and killed the queen (off with her head! i said) and i am at this very moment seeking a way in through your looking glass

i am the ghost of the past. that sells you the absense of fake turkeys and bathes you in false ideals to invoke guilty consciences in the name of a dread demon.

i am poverty personified i am the reason you asked for more and got nothing. i am the cause of your Twisted life; through all the dust, grease and grime of London

I am the seaman tht killed the whale that got immortalized because i killed him. That Dick.

I am the prick. that caused Man Friday to leave only a single footprint on the beach cos he was too busy hopping. he hopped on a tree and waited for his master to come bend over below him

i am steel. steel beneath skin that made the greatest of them all from nothing to rule the world in the heavyweight championship ring.

i am the beast that proweled the misty nights and gave the poor Count a bad name; and gave your girlfriends shivers and frights

i am no one. nothing if i cannot describe myself so that i can be seen. if i do not scream you do not see, you are blind and i am compelled to boast and reveal myself naked beneath spotlights to make you see me.

blasted job application forms.

Nilkamal Philosophy

the clock ticked in space. surrounded by the obsolete white bull that was now in for it because it disobeyed its master and went into that china shop. and destroyed the chinese economy.
this prehistoric rampage of the chinese economy left its worker base completely unable to cope with modern day requirements from workers. so they went to live inside the wall.
there disguised as statues of skeletons they lived through the dynasties that folowed that went from history to prehistory against the drift of time because even though the clock ticked forward, the world ticked back.
then the Mings and the Chins and the ChinChings and the Kochins all passed through decadence into primeval caveman like dwellings of amber mountains within diamond spyglasses like they were seen from afar, but amounted to nothing much save dwellings in their minds eye. all value gone. no materialism existed then.
no peace in their minds because animals do not desire peace they desire they desire they desire they desire they desire....
what do they desire?
what do they desire if not peace if not to be left alone when the hyena cries and that lonely lion walks the night during the great periods of migration east when the weather thaws and they are going back home?
when will the candle burn and finish but then, when will the darkness end afterwards? especially since we have now run out of candles and the last one now burns. and all we can do is wonder when it will finish.
will it finish will it end? and what will come of us later?
when philosophy becomes a trend, then the human race is on a rafter
floating on to land that doesn't exist and never did
not since the clock ticked

The messed up cases

She didnt tell me that she liked her little boys. I wasn't angry cos i didn't hav a choice. Had i had a choice; it was too armorous, her voice.

She seduced me with a tiny little gleam; deep inside her dark brown eyes, but to me it passed unseen. Had i had a choice; i would have saved myself, had i wondered; wondered...

Never before had the waterfall stopped falling, never in history was the cliff top so unseen. And as the sea went on from horizon to horizon; i passed by in my black ship with sails torn and mast destroyed.

Disguised, protected beneath a veneer of broken flesh; Lest the siren see me once again and tempt me to her warm cold lonely breasts.

The Coast Guard Department

Tsk!

this is not a knife! whats wrong with you?!

hahahah!

this is a specialized cleaving instrument. meant to aid in tasks too complex for the common human fingernail!


oh no he's not going to KILL you! he's just going to to temporarly seperate your life force from physical constraints! thats not KILLING someone. its just temporary! its fun!

nooooo ur not fat! ur just big boned, in a generously proportioned sort of way! its nice! VERY COMFORTABLE ON THE EYES!

no way this is not expensive at all! buy it! the economic benefits you will get from long term use will far outweigh ANY short term discofort you may feel financially! look it comes in red!

Noooo! this is not an attempt to control the population by calling the Navy by another name and having them patrol the coasts just to remind you that WE ARE WATCHING YOU ALL THE TIME!! dont be daft! this is the Coast Guard Department!

!!!!

Nation Of Andorra Not In Africa, Shocked U.S. State Dept. Reports

more funny stuff at The Onion

Obama Trashed. Optimus Prime for President; Transformers 2

Before you read any further; mild spoiler alert!

so we went and watched a movie again, and this time it was pretty obvious what it was; a movie. and a rather good one at that, except that Obama gets completely trashed in it.

the whole planet is under threat of complete destruction at the hands of the evil Decepticons and what does the president of the United States do? he runs away leaving his people to suffer and hides in his er, secret hideout. As if the sun going nova will leave anything but an atomic dust particle or two of the solar system behind. But i suppose one can always rely on the audacity of hope.

to make matters worse, he installs one of his cronies from the White House special operations team to take over eveything in his absense. Demonstrating his skill for choosing the 'right people'. This special ops agent must have been the chief toilet block investigator or something because if he'd had his way, Earth would have been flushed down a black hole before you can say 'yes we can!' and wave a flag in an optimistic manner.

To save the day, the army takes command of the military operations like their supposed to, and chucks the last remaining representative of the president of the United States rudely out of an airborne plane. You can almost hear it screaming out; if the US left its dirty work to the military like it was supposed to, they'd overrun pretty much anyone who stood in their way of 'saving the world from evil'. They even partially trash Shanghai, yes Shanghai, the stronghold of the worlds biggest army; in the very beginning of the film. leaving to no doubt as to who holds whom by the balls, at least in the mythical constructs of Hollywood. Im sorry but was George Bush named somewhere as Executive Producer? i missed the credits.

The incompetency of the President aside, the US is portrayed as the world's foremost political and economic superpower, in spite of all real life evidence to the contrary. They decide everything from when to attack to where; infiltrating foreign airspace and carrying out terrible battles in middle eastern villages at a whim. But hey its all good, civillians have to die if the world (read; the US) is to be saved from evil alien threats, especially insignificant poor people in far off countries. the further off the better. Life is only a movie if its outside your boundries of reality afterall.

It doesn't help that the chief of the Decepticons looks like some robotic version of a Pharoah. leading to no doubt as to which rough geographic location evil threats usually originate from, give or take a few hundred clicks to the South or East.

Aside from all that, Megan Fox was hot. Fullstop. And if there was any socio politcal symbolism at all associated with her i missed it as my mind was going 'mwaaa!' weakly, over and over again whenever she came on. Theres gotta be a law against people that hot.

Theres more. One would think that after the total collapse of the US car giants the Autobots would get with the times and start being Toyotas and Hondas when driving around. Instead we see out of production General Motors trucks and gas guzzling Camaros, which try a bit too had to seem cool. Im sorry sir, but im buying a Maruti, as soon as i can afford one.

But they don't appear to have completely lost touch with the current car maket as the 'newly designed' autobots (yeah theres a host of em) prance around in the guises of what can only be CBRs and Kawasakis with all branding removed.

They probably couldn't find any US cars to make the rest cos every single other new robot i could see was either a toaster or a vacuum cleaner when they were not out being badass and cutting other robots to pieces with futuristic chainsaws and laser beams.

All in all, a good watch, great entertainment. Did i mention Megan fox was hot? and humourous. Not Megan Fox, the movie. the movie was humourous. Maybe not as coolly subtle as the first one's sparse scattering of funnies but it still had the audience hooting wth laughter. They also probably needed the jokes to make up for a weak plot, not too great directing and dollop of corny hindi movie moments.

I'd rate it a little bit below Wolverine in terms of pure entertainment value but way below Transformers 1 if you're looking for a real quality watch. But watch it, its better than Night of the Museum 2 and leaves the shitpile i was tortured through last week, in the galactic dust. It'll have you glued to your seat, which is more than what a lot of other movies seem to be capable of doing lately.