Saturday, September 26, 2009
All pipe dreams in pipe seams. lost in a metal atom's electron surge. Quantum physics pulls me in the diretion of the normal. Responsibility, safety, obligation, duty, they exist even though we may think it cool to diss them, these inherent characteristics of life. But one has duty on cannot escape from; and 'duty is as heavy as a mountain, death as light as a feather' as Robert Jordan would say.
But there is no need to be depressed. Inside me there is this surging torrent of unrest, some trapped energy that wont stop churing that keeps me going. Energy is everything, hope is nothing without energy, dreams are nothing without energy, plans are nothing, nothing exists without energy.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Amid the brouhaha and the pain there comes a realisation that once, i too was a man. Once i too felt a woman between my hips, once i too felt blood trickle from cuts in my flesh. once i too fought; for ideals now become nought. Once i too remembered the loss of losing a loved one, all too well.
Once i did swell, with pride and my head full of achievement did tell; a tale of a proud man, right before he fell. once i too gave in to all desire, good and bad. Once i too was corrupt. Oh what a life I’ve had!
But now my gums have rotted and my speech once so golden reeks of death. Now my limbs fail me and my sense barely avail me. Now i too will pass like the loved ones i have lost and i find myself thinking of my legacy. Of the will that is but ink on paper, so empty. So lost. Now death greets me grinning. I never knew he exsited! But I lie. I knew in my heart of hearts, that he would find me, in the end he did.
now the guns have faded, there is no one to fight my last fight for me. And i, an old man, will not know the truth of life and its meaning, even though ive completed its fullest, most gruelling training. i will be let free to gallop the last paths of an ending but then what? will i even know?
but deep down once again, from that place which is in every man, comes a drumbeat of truth. It nags you so much and soon you resort to simply ignoring it. I too drowned it out with sound, sound from anything and everything my hands found; but now my hands have given up on me. and my ears lie listless; i cannot control what they listen to.
But that beat has now faded. the truth that i never knew has never become jaded, because it has escaped me. And such truth as was in the world that i sought, only turned out to be lies in the end.