Dear Santa

The Russians and the Canadians are after the oil
And the Americans and Scandinavians are not far behind
The land beneath you is breaking up
And pretty soon the North Pole is going to suck

They say Obama does not believe in you
That Putin really doesn't give a damn too
The credit crunch has increased your costs
and Lehman collapsed and your reserves were lost

They say Rudolf is dissatisfied with your existing culture
And the elves are forming a strike in manufacture
Your operation is riddled with ancient management structures
And your beard is losing its much loved luster

You're wife is pissed 'cos the North Pole's melting
It was minus 40 C there but now it's scorching
All your people are in a terrible bother
and the Polar Bears are now eating each other

You're stuck in a crisis and your sledge won't start
'Cos you can't find anyone who makes it's outdated parts
You can't get a car, and I know why
There's no way on Earth you can make a Hyundai fly

Al Gore won't help you with the Global Warming
He just got his Oscar, and now he's resting
Where firm ground stood, there is now a puddle
And your whole operation is hitting a muddle

Kid's today are doubtful and are losing trust
They'd rather get their toys from the shelf at Wal-mart
And as for the rest of them without money to eat
Well, you never cared much about mouths to feed

Face it Santa your going out of fashion
Faster than you can say 'Glacier-like obstruction'
You need to find a new base and a leaner operation
Face it, or you'll soon be a dead personification

Maybe get FedEx to do your distribution
Fire your elves and make the toys in China
Have a customer service hotline all year round
(I know an excellent call centre that will help you out)

Call me fast and i'll set you up
Somewhere in Western Asia for a very small fee
We shall work together and with my consultancy
A force to be reckoned with, you will once again be.


Regards,

The WhacksteR

Change Consultant
(Specialist: Anthropomorphic Personifications)

F*CKIN’ CHARLIE!

How many times has anyone you know, or it could be you, been suddenly confronted by one of those moments warranting a swear word and chosen ‘F*ckin’ Charlie!’ to vent?

I mean WTF? I’ve said it lots of times myself. My boss says ‘My Charlie’ in an effort to just sound nicer. Last year I met with a car accident and the only thing that came to my mouth was a muttered ‘f*ckin Charlie’ right before the windscreen smashed in. and no, in case you’re worried all I suffered was a miraculous little cut on my finger. Now I will not blaspheme and would kindly request you to refrain from suggesting that Charlie is a God, and that implying sexual intercourse is the way of invoking his protection. Because we all know that’s impossible, I mean you don’t see any temples dedicated to him anywhere do you? Er, do you?

Who is this Charlie? Are we (Sri Lankans) the only ones who use this term? Then why Charlie? Why not Siripala (the subjet of so many sinhalese swear expressions such as Ammatasiri etc.)? Anthropologist, linguist, or not, these questions need answers damit!

Apita Witharak Neethiya??

The pictures say it all. Displaying the utter chutzpah of anyone with a bit of power/authority over here.

But from a different angle; the corrupt coppers serve both sides of the table. How many of us have avoided a speeding fine or a drunk driving rap with a bribe of a few hundred bucks? I have. Several times. Read Indi's take on it here. and yet we curse them for ruining the land. Whos fault is it? the copper's? ours for our own form of encouragement? The culture and collective each-for-his-own mentality that exists? Or the freaking SYSTEM dude??!! (That is to say a generalization of what is wrong with the world in er, general).

Oh and btw, since publicizing it seems to be the trend, this is my 50th Post :)

Guys, the scum of the earth?

Reading the Messiah of Madness’s take on guys, at least her latest rant on the male species that was published on her blog (which she keeps changing the name of) a short while ago. I was a bit speechless, yet felt inclined to leave a comment to credit her masterful analysis. But I was quite literally stuck for words so all I could come up with was a quite subdued ‘erm..’

The Messiah outlines how a very good friend of hers was quite literally taken on a ride by this 22 year old ‘super-player’ who took it upon himself as a challenge to disprove her religious and conservative values and make her fall in love with him. Hmmmm.

She was of course, not trying to start an inter gender war of words or offend anyone. She made it quite clear that her statement was directed at only a certain part of the male species that acted like the afore mentioned guy and she admits as much when she says;

“ Guys are the neeking scum of the earth!!! K… not all… but most!!!”

That’s all very well. But her little post pushed my thoughts down a tunnel that I’ve been down before. So much so that I decided to sit down and write about it. All guys get a particular satisfaction when girls fall for them. It is flattering. It makes us feel good about ourselves. It gives you confidence in your battle at getting that elusive princess you have been chasing for quite a while. It tells you shortly, that you are an attractive and proud specimen of the male half of your species and that you have nothing to worry about in your ultimate quest to find a suitable mate. I suppose it is the same for girls as well.

The guy in question, at first glance, seems nothing surprising. For his kind is not rare. The kind that goes out of the way to get that attention. The kind that will do any unscrupulous thing in the book (and certain things that are not even in the book) to get a woman to sleep with him. I know few of them myself. They tend to waste an enormous amount of resources. Time, money, physical effort and tend to use all available mental capacities to accomplish it. They will go and meet their potential ‘prey’ wherever and whenever it is required. They will talk endless nonsense over the phone for long, long hours etc etc. but as far as I know, it is mostly in search of sex. But not always in a dirty way; mostly they are somewhat lost souls looking for satisfaction and fulfillment coupled with mental comfort and the sensation of being loved by a woman. Ego feeding I guess you could say.

But this guy strikes me as a bit different. The word ‘challenge’ and ‘love’ flash out at me. Apparently he wooed the Messiah’s friend as a ‘challenge’. To see if he could make her fall in love with him. He doesn’t strike me as your typical sex starved emotionally dependant individual. As a matter of fact, a part of me thinks maybe this guy actually likes her friend. Maybe one day he was walking down the road and he saw her, and he fell in love with everything that was her. Her eyes, her face, her hair, her voice, her manner, her walk, her feelings, her emotions, the very breeze that circles around her face, the very ground she steps on. Ok maybe not the ground she steps on. I have always found the whole concept of kissing the ground no matter who walked on top of it quite gross.

So maybe he considered himself such a hot shot and player and someone so special, that he couldn’t be going about falling in love with any and every single girl he meets. But he knew he had to have her. So what could he do? He couldn’t let her go. But at the same time he knew that he would not feel complete as a man if he couldn’t make her fall for him. He had to convince the world that here was man worthy of such a prize!

Or maybe the Messiah was right and he really is a creep. If that’s the case. Then he’s probably a real cold hearted sadistic pleasure seeker. A real conniving SOB, hell bent on self satisfaction and giving f*** all about other’s feelings. And we have had enough of those in the history of the human race to fill up hundreds of books.

Anyways, I hope the Messiah doesn’t mind this :). By the way, that girl can write, no matter how disillusioned she might be as to the extent of her abilities. And Lady Divine's raises a very valid point about women in her comment as well. so maybe the scum of the earth are just the scum of the earth. No gender discrimination involved? How politically correct.

Dilemma

The pain is in vain,
Just closure for my soul,
the gain though, is plain,
freedom to the floor!

The sweet release of guilt
the big relief i felt
the painful blow i dealt
is making my insides melt

But now the road is clear,
or at least its supposed to be,
but they still distract me dear,
blurring what i see

Odesseus and the sirens,
Samson and and his girl,
they both had their chances,
but only one came out the whirl

The other, on his knees
reduced to half a man
captured, confined,
broken, reduced to plead

So Samson? or Odesseus?
whose path will i chose?
but there are a lot of holes
and this theory may be loose

For odesseus was married
happily with a kid,
and Samson no doubt,
thought the same fate was his.

So Penelope or Delilah
either one of them could trick
so how do you find out
which is which?