Dear Santa

The Russians and the Canadians are after the oil
And the Americans and Scandinavians are not far behind
The land beneath you is breaking up
And pretty soon the North Pole is going to suck

They say Obama does not believe in you
That Putin really doesn't give a damn too
The credit crunch has increased your costs
and Lehman collapsed and your reserves were lost

They say Rudolf is dissatisfied with your existing culture
And the elves are forming a strike in manufacture
Your operation is riddled with ancient management structures
And your beard is losing its much loved luster

You're wife is pissed 'cos the North Pole's melting
It was minus 40 C there but now it's scorching
All your people are in a terrible bother
and the Polar Bears are now eating each other

You're stuck in a crisis and your sledge won't start
'Cos you can't find anyone who makes it's outdated parts
You can't get a car, and I know why
There's no way on Earth you can make a Hyundai fly

Al Gore won't help you with the Global Warming
He just got his Oscar, and now he's resting
Where firm ground stood, there is now a puddle
And your whole operation is hitting a muddle

Kid's today are doubtful and are losing trust
They'd rather get their toys from the shelf at Wal-mart
And as for the rest of them without money to eat
Well, you never cared much about mouths to feed

Face it Santa your going out of fashion
Faster than you can say 'Glacier-like obstruction'
You need to find a new base and a leaner operation
Face it, or you'll soon be a dead personification

Maybe get FedEx to do your distribution
Fire your elves and make the toys in China
Have a customer service hotline all year round
(I know an excellent call centre that will help you out)

Call me fast and i'll set you up
Somewhere in Western Asia for a very small fee
We shall work together and with my consultancy
A force to be reckoned with, you will once again be.


Regards,

The WhacksteR

Change Consultant
(Specialist: Anthropomorphic Personifications)