Come to Sri Lanka, see our war crimes.

So the EU wants to organize a tribunal thingamajig to investigate civilian deaths not only by the hands of the tigers but also by the hands of the government. Well, here's a thing or two for you to consider Mr. EU bigwig. We never claimed the LTTE posessed nukes, and we never used falsities like that as an excuse to indiscriminately kill people. We never bombed no wedding parties and killed whole families just because we suspected the bride's fifth cousin by marriage to have a nephew who once was possibly in the same building as Osama Bin Laden. Sure we don't have a lot of clout in the international arena, unlike some people, but we are human beings too, and therefore equipped with brains capable of intelligence to a certain degree, and your self righteous hypocrisy and cowardice is painfully obvious, even to us.

Why don't you bring down Bush to the Hague and try him for war crimes instead of letting him peacefully sit in his ranch watching his cows piss into the drying desert sand? Why don't you investigate all the accusations of torture and disappearing tourists instead of trying to poke your nose in places you are not wanted? Why don't you investigate the atrocities on the Gaza strip and the audacity of the Israeli's claim of being able to use precision bombing with the ability to target a single insurgent within one million civillians right before they demolish the UN office in an aerial attack (oops)? Come Mr. EU bigwig, we all know who lubes your ass every night.

But you know what we also know? we know your threats are empty. Oh yes Mr. Bigwig, we know the game you play. Its been played for a long long time and we are familiar with the rules. The first rule is there are no rules. Here's how it goes, you will use your clout to make us submit and you will proceed to own our asses. Yes you will secure the national resources and you will secure an 'open' economy and you will 'integrate us into the global arena'. And thank you very much we will too, 'cos maybe thats exactly what we need. Oh yes, you will try to bribe our leaders and if you cannot reach a compromise, you will roll us in the dirt and call us terrorists and rogues.

But you also know that this is not as easy as it used to be, oh no. You have competition now. And we have Iran on our side, and the Russians. Who aren't exactly on pally terms with you we notice. Also our geographical location puts us in an ideal position to take advantage of the regional economic boom, we only need to hope like hell our leaders will see these opportunities and grab them. Oh yes, we may eventually have to be owned by someone but at least now we've got options.

So come to Sri Lanka, try your luck. Here's the famous hospitable smile also =)

Trollonomics

Kottu has seen an increase in 'trolls' of late. At least, iv not seen as many trolls as we seem to have around right now. And by trolls i mean those whose main activity is to take the piss out of other people. First there was the Maharajah, then the tweets of YourBlogSucks and now apparently the self-proclaimed 'infamous' Padashow seems to have made a reappearance.

Style wise they differ. The Maharajah is more laid back and tries to project an air of bored indifference, probably hard to keep up and has something to do with the low volume of his output. YourBlogSucks and Padashow follow a similar pattern of direct insults and mass writings trashing things left right and center. YBS is on twitter exclusively, while Padashow seems to have revived his trolldom on twitter and re-embraced his old blog on wordpress. Even the Maharajah seems to have diversified his portfolio and is tweeting away, albeit at a rather slower pace. Also worth a mention is Podipada, probably a groupie off-shoot of Padashow trying to capitalize on the brand. Or maybe Padashow is also diversifying.

Some bloggers just blog for the fuck of it, others just want to get their views across to whoever might be interested, but trolls are specifically in it for the buzz. They need the thrill of controversy, they revel in being the centre of attention and will continue trolling until attention wanes and people drift away or until a conscience materializes and they feels sorry for thieir sins so to speak, given the unlikely prospect of the latter though, we can safely conclude that the chief motivator of a troll is 'attention' and that attention will figure higher on a trolls list of motivators than it will on other bloggers'. It doesn't have to be 'good' attention. 'Good' and 'bad' are merely subjective terms and no one knows this better than a troll who revels in unscrupulousness.

Therefore we can conclude that there is a reason for the existence of trolls in the 'lankanosphere' (term again coined by RD I think) and that is attention. There must be a 'need' for their existence, and that 'need' is the need of the rest of the blogsphere for whatever services a troll may offer, which are highly speculative, but interesting to mull over.

Disclaimer - deductions arrived solely based on reasoning based on observation and the general principle of supply and demand.

War Tourism

'(Viet)namtank' : Ron Gluckman

The End wrote about war porn here. There has been enough growth in demand for war related merchandise that hawkers are selling VCDs of war footage on buses. Complete with background music and i'm guessing, a strong 'patriotic' flavor.

And now the war 'is almost over', hell its been 'almost over' for several months now but in the classic Sri Lankan way the war also is dilly dallying away and taking its own cool time to end.

If people are eager enough to gobble up war merchandise or war porn, i think a decent case can be made for the emergence of a new niche in the tourism industry. Why not war tourism?

The idea first came to me after reading one of Cerno's many google earth posts depicting sunken warships off the coast of Jaffna, and i thought hey, someone could really make a buck organizing diving trips down there when the war ends..

But It's not exactly an original concept. War tourism has also got a Wiki entry. The definition seems to vary from referring to tourists stuck in warzones to the more commonly accepted one of actual touring to conflict zones. Whereas there has been no proof that the practice is officially happening in live conflict zones and no tourists have been interviewed who have visited a conflict zone for the purpose of tourism, we are not talking about a conflict zone here, we are talking about a conflict free zone, a-post conflict zone if you will.

I don't think there is a location like Sri Lanka so well placed to take advantage of this in the whole world. Not at least since Vietnam, although admittedly theirs was a high profile war with plenty of eager Americans willing to pay good money to come see how their tax money was spent, and World War 2, which continues to be the number one attraction for war tourists worldwide.

Assuming the war finishes, we'll be fresh out of conflict. If somewhat of a whitewash victory is attained, the security up there will be a bit more conducive to tourist presence. This will give us an opportunity to target a whole new demographic, the young adventure seeking high spender, instead of the usual retirees that we see coming over.

Jungle treks to LTTE bunkers, tours through battlefields, LTTE occupied villages, sea tiger bases, airstrips, off roading and crash courses in guerilla warfare are only some of the things we could offer. But it has to materialize through concerted efforts through both the private sector and government. Economic support must be given to the niche if it is to prosper. You or me can't just take off to Jaffna on a bike and expect to have the experience of a war tourist, the whole thing will need to be designed and offered as packaged holidays with substantial investment by the players in the local market.

And they must act. The government must be looking at avenues of economic exploitation of the North Eastern provinces if it is seriously expecting to win the war soon, and in a Ballardian world, why not try and be a little innovative and dynamic for a change? adopt a slightly more edgy image; that of the paradise with a touch of the dangerous? Adopt a stance of mercantilism in our business strategies, make the end of the war become a launching pad for an industrial revolution so to speak.

I know it may seem rather morbid to talk about this when there are so many people dying. But most of this war was about profits anyway, and the same people who filled their pockets are sitting around in powerful places harping about patriotism. why not let the people who truly suffered benefit from the war now? And give a boost to the freshly liberated North-Eastern economy?

Managing Expectations

I am not much of a talker, and i usually try to mind my own beeswax when it comes to the personal arena or coliseum, owing to the particularly spectator unfriendly nature of the blood sport, which nevertheless, is enjoyed by some. But perusing through Jerry's blog i realize that the poor boy is smitten by some damsel, whilst wishing him al the luck i am appalled at the rate he seems to have escalated his phone conversations with the said certain someone. Huge doses of talk time totaling up to an almost six hundred percent increase over a period of two months! While the telecommunications industry executive in me is cheering him on into the pits of doom, the caring fellow blogger is slapping his forehead in utter disasmagoria.

Now i know he will say it is none of my business, i know he will tell me to go flub myself, but i have to tell him what i have to tell him. Cos sometimes it takes a man to shake another man by the shoulders and say; Hey! Snap out of it! Or in this case it takes a man to shake Jerry by the shoulders and tell him the same thing.

Conversations are all very well when you start dating, you positively cringe at the very sound of the other person’s voice and the initial instinct dictated from the deepest bottom of your gut is to get into the fetal position on the floor and wiggle about curling your toes with your thumb in your mouth.

And that’s when another part of your brain, buried deep within a smog of black illusion-matter pulsing red with the effort like the unseen bottom of a long dead volcano, tries to send a signal to your right arm, and that signal is commanding your arm to slap your face. Hard.

Listen to that command! Slap your face hard! Snap out of it.

You gotta manage people's expectations, you can't hire a secretary and pay her a million bucks only to realize that your organization is crumbling as a result because a million bucks is barely your annual revenue inflow! Cos then you gotta reduce her wages because you don’t want to lose her but she’s not gonna like it.. Oh no, so then she’s gonna mess up your paperwork and make you look bad in front of your board members, she'll start hitting on your clients just to spite you. and she'll start telling your employees what color your boxers are and reveal the fact that you wear the same holey banian to work every day because you clearly do not believe that what lies underneath counts for anything much.

She will challenge your intellect and call you stupid. She will blast you to smithereens if you so much as imply an intellectual deficiency in her regard, she will pester you and trouble you and distract you from your life, she will in short become that number one scourge in all organizations; The Unsatisfied Yet Essential To Running of Organization Employee Who Is Perfectly Aware Of The Fact.

This is a point when a tough decision has to be made, you can either sell the organization, give up on your dreams and run away to the jungle to live with the secretary and keep her happy, whereupon she may well get sick of your incompetence as a man to take care of her 'the way she deserves' and run away with Tarzan's chimp. Or you can fire the secretary, go through some real rough times but somehow persevere and recover your business intact, but largely shaken.

If it comes to the crunch, I’d advice you to take option number two, but the crunch doesn’t have to come! Oh no, yes the crunch can be avoided if you just Manage her Expectations before she starts using and/or implying in a roundabout way the dreaded A word. Yes well. She’ll call you an asshole at some point of time sure but i mean the other and far deadlier, the king of all fearsome A words.

So don’t let it get there, Managing Expectations is key to long lasting happiness. For after all we are all CEOs of companies that are our lives, and market forces will determine how you sink or swim, figuratively speaking of course. So take heed! Let us save ourselves some corporate hassle and stressful job loss here.

Why should i give a damn for the world economy?

Is the problem I’m grappling with right now, having to write some 2000 words worth of assignment material on the stuff. Why should I? People talk about the death of capitalism but is capitalism really dead? Aren’t we all capitalists? even the communists are capitalists man. Capitalism is simply capitalizing on your power, market power, personality, position or any other power, we are all superheroes trying to use our powers to climb upwards the ladder.

Look at America, the self professed 'greatest nation of the world'. Many people just do not recognize the US for what it really is, an empire. Most talk about various aspects of the US; it's culture, people, habits, policies etc. Most even seem to be gullible enough to believe mainstream media and think that the US is just another nation among several other nations on a planet just trying to get by and help its fellow countries along, which is total bull.

Capitalism is good at one thing, creating an illusion. It is so good that you can't even figure out where it goes wrong. You talk about the widening gaps in income and the increasing percentage of people living on $2 a day (75-80% of the world's population) but how does it exactly transpire? How do policies of rich countries that seem, at face value, to be purely beneficial to these same rich countries alone while being totally harmless to anyone else, work in tandem with other such policies that create ripple effects that totally cripple whole sections of populations?

The victorious always write history. And contemporary history is no different. It is constantly being written as we speak, through CNN, BBC, Fox News, Bloomberg and a whole lot of other machines of the mainstream corporate controlled Big Media. They are so big that they have to be controlled by the powerful. FARC, the revolutionary Columbian rebels. some of the 'biggest terrorists of our times' were a bunch of farmers who lost their territory when the Columbian government together with the US built dams and various other infrastructure projects without giving a damn for them.

The US has always followed an economic pathway to world dominance. Don't look so shocked. Look at history; look at every single powerful nation that has ever risen. Haven't they always looked to test their skills against their counterparts and try to win their resources? History is littered with empires man. The world has always had some form of empire, but this empire you could say is different, because to most eyes and ears, it is underground.

After the world war, the prospect of a geographically expanded empire was deemed impossible due to the presence of nuclear weapons. Meaning that one too pissed off nation and boom half the world is reduced to radioactive trash. The prospect of an economic empire came about in the 1950s when the Shah of Iran was overthrown by Mohammed Mossadegh who then chased out all the British oil companies and nationalized the Iranian Oil industry. The US sent in Kermit Roosevelt (Theodore’s grandson) who paid off a lot of people, organized a coupé, overthrew Mossadegh, installed the Shah back into power, and brought the oil companies back. And that’s when they decided hey, this is not a bad idea. And they've been at it ever since.

Latin America has been a long standing victim. The basic format of empire building works like this. The US, through private corporations sends in economic teams who then convince the local governments to undertake massive infrastructure projects to 'develop' the country, This is of course just a way to get them to take vast amounts of debt from US banks which in turn are given over to US construction firms who build the dams, electrical grids etc. This infrastructure is often hugely extravagant and unnecessary but valid economic forecasts are provided to justify them and often, corrupt government officials are paid off to agree to the project. The countries subsequently find themselves unable to pay of these loans, get on the verge of defaulting and promptly become the US's puppet, which then gets free access to natural resources and UN votes and builds military bases on their soil, amongst other benefits.

If local governments try to resist, then the 'Jackals' go in and an assassination or a coupé is staged and someone more 'friendly' to US foreign policy is put into place.

The world isn’t a rosy place. It's far darker than we imagine. But its not a question of hating the US for what they are doing or getting paranoid about everything you read in the media. It is just enough if people try to understand and accept the truth. People are living in the illusion. The illusion cast by capitalism itself. And as long as the majority eats into the bullshit buffet that is broadcasted down and fed to all and sundry, the world has no chance of rising above itself.

Its stupid no? Capitalism in its essence, in its ideal, is a good concept. If everyone worked for himself collectively everyone will benefit. But it fails to foresee the potential for the failure of markets. It fails to realize that every action will have a thousand reactions in the greater economy and most of those reactions may not be good. It fails to realize that self interest without moral regulation can be an uncontrollable demon. And coupled with a messed up monetary system and open corruption and greed, we have a mallum of slow acting poison, a poison that will probably kill us all eventually, including the US

Terror, is it racial?

Okay you dopey morons. I’m gonna tell you about some insight that attacked my brilliant mind last Sunday while we were smoking up some good greens on the beach. where does terror originate?

The talk starts with the ultimate blight of the depraved System. None of us want to be a part of it. Yet we all ride it. None of us actually want to go to work. yet we do,. we are all in it for the money. A few lucky ones prefer to self actualize and choose a path of life that is apart from the mainstream. A few brave ones. But is not very much fun doing it if you don't have the money to support a house in Colombo, great food, and hangouts in all the artsy places around town. So the apparently altruistic, at least the ones we could identify, were all rich kids with big inheritances ditching the system cos their spoilt enough to afford it. The rest are all 'struggling artists' Which doesn’t really count right?

We have all go a set of needs to fulfill. And rarely will you find a bugger self actualizing without a shit given to basic necessities like food, shelter, security etc. So most of us on a default basis basically 'ride the system'. Which of course is, the economy as we know it. The system fakes everything up and tells you that you are making an honest living. and, little knowing the greed that is driving imbalance and oppression across the world, you gladly work for it. Hell i do too.

The system is a network of capitalization. The powerful always stay on top. It is driven by power and money. Any external benefits that happen because of it are purely there to help it grow. because the system knows its a give and take ball game. but it is essentially exploitative. That’s why you don’t see most companies take steps against pollution unless there is enormous public pressure for it to do so. It knows if doesn't comply, it's gonna destroy its income. So then we have 'green' sucker uppers.

The System has been running the world for a long time. Ever wondered why the British empire was never criticized for its sudden and disgraceful loss of power (After WW2 it went from owning almost half the worlds land mass to owning practically nothing.) Yet they still command oodles of respect in the world’s hierarchy of powerbrokers. Ever looked closely at the regions that the Brits pulled out of? Ever noticed what a fucked up state they were left in? look at Africa. They were doing really well in the days of the Empire. Now their hitting the dust again and again. Look at India. They were united in power against the occupier. Muslims, Hindus alike, the Brits left and somehow massive racial violence breaks out and what was once India is now several nations. Their power broken down. There's no telling really, what they might have achieved as a country if they had stayed united and never waged all these destructive internal wars that tore them apart.

The Brits had a strategic withdrawal plan alright; They were in cahoots with the Americans when they were doing it. Consolidating their power even in retreat. One can almost say the Empire never died. Just closed in on itself.

Just look at SL. Even India. We were divided before being colonized, then we finally united against a common enemy, who somehow made sure we divided again after we finally won over them.

Fine. Now leave all that aside and look at us people again. We are working for a system that runs the world. That’s fine. we don’t think a lot beyond our own needs, and essentially we don’t need to. The system works on the basis that everyone has a need for it to survive. But how about the crushed? how about its vast inefficiencies and the destruction that is waged by the system? How about the web of lies we continue to believe in because it gives us comfort and allows to pretend that what we are doing is actually the best thing we could be doing. That we are not contributing to the dastardly effects the system has on the world.

How about those few who stand up against it? Are they the terrorists? Or are they just one form of terrorists?

What do yall think? If you've managed to follow my reasoning so far. If not, I'm gonna tell you anyways what I think.

Male Strippers

…are short in supply. There are various hen parties in Sri Lanka taking place as we speak, well not AS we speak since it is daytime now and most hen parties tend to take place at night, with many forlorn women chugging the wine out of sheer boredom and misery because of a lack of lascivious male bodies sheathed in a coating of oil, shaking to ‘I will survive’, to entertain them.

Jeremiah Sunandasami Johnson, an enterprising er, entrepreneur, has decided to change all that, and it is with the plight of these poor neglected ladies in mind that I publish this short (and rather drab I should add) PR cum advertising supplement courtesy his newly incorporated organization.

Entrepreneurship is at its best when a potential entrepreneur identifies an unsatisfied market segment and caters to it. The more unsatisfied the better. And my research has indicated that there are some VERY unsatisfied ladies around Colombo especially during the months of June & July and from September to December.

‘An organization of male exotic dancers to cater to the exclusive tastes of the discerning Sri Lankan woman of marriageable age’ is what I propose. An exclusively positioned service organization that offers the best and only service of it’s like to a select clientele. I am currently looking for investors although not much investment is needed in terms of infrastructure due to the purely service oriented approach of the whole operation, my main needs are performers.

ARE YOU MALE, between the ages of 19 and 30, possess an attractive physique and great rhythm in your bones? (bones? lol - W). Then drop me a mail with a recent picture and let’s set up a meeting. An attractive remuneration package and numerous perks (er hehe - W) await you!

I am also looking for ideas on how to improve my business model and incorporate needs and wants that may have escaped my attention. So please do contribute your ideas and be entitled to win gift vouchers, DVDs, t-shirts and even investment opportunities! Come share in our success!

Thank you.

Jeremiah Sunandasami Johnson.

jsjenter@hotmail.com

That’s it folks. So please help Mister Johnson out will you, he’s got a great idea I think and I’m sure he can boost up our economy a bit.

They say that I am a centrist; What are you?

Take the World's Smallest Political Quiz and find out! I learned about it from Kasun's blog.

The quiz asks you a few questions based on general political and economic policy issues and then maps you. Like so.

Well it's a nice way of passing a few seconds cos thats all it takes. and in my case, i would say it is fairly accurate. I could'nt describe myself as 100% liberal and pro-free trade because i think capitalism needs ceratin controls. Open economies can be harmful for local industry especially in developing countries. Generally, I do believe that a government should be responsible for the countries security and soveriegnity and all things military. Also, call me a conservative prick but moral constraints should be apart of governance in my opinion. I am no communist either but i look at the effects of capitalism on the world (the rich-poor divide, vast pollution, destruction of natural resources to name a few) and wonder if it is the come all and be all of human ahievement aferall. Milton Friedman's ideas (open economy, government simply responsible for security/protection) are great in theory but in practical application i think it is limited by the world's natural tendency towards moral degeneracy. So freedom within control. Thats my idealogue right now. because we'd just tear ourselves to shreds of everybody was 100% liberal.

The quiz though, IMHO as a third worlder, is a bit more relevant to citizens in developed countries and may not be directly relevant to third world concerns. Meaning that some of the general political issues might take a backseat to some of our main ones, and the economic ones a bit ahead in the future for us in terms of direct application, but are still relevant enough to us as global citizens

Have a look and see if you agree with the test. I'd love to hear your feedback.