Hammer and Mirror

Hammer and Mirror

scream

for has the world ever seen
a being
so maliciously obscene
as which this mirror upholds
before my face?

dream

of a time when I was clean
for a time to come again
for a place where the greeting
would not be a constant grimace

The shadows upon my face
have long since become
the color of my skin.
the horns
have taken root,
yet they are as yet construed.

I still have hope
redemption is not far
and I have not reached that point yet
where my dispair is absolute


Hammer and Gun

scream

for the has been
and for the yet to be revealed.

dream

for tomorrows unseen
for the revelation to be learned
when the light hits you
and your face gets burned.

reel

for you will when you know
so you might as well go
off the deep end now.
why prolong it?
why let it wait?

it beckons
its grin and its slanted eyes
gleaming.
so stop screaming
and rush forward
you aren’t dreaming
just push onward

it’s yours
take it.
it's good for you.

Guilt trip

Things you did.
skeletons in your closet coming out for an airing
grinning in the midnight air
spilling out their bones and dry dead hair
rotten bits of flesh
cling to torn sinews, and the putrid smells
of the decomposition of life,
pleading
for a burial and a funeral to secrets and strife.

Trapped

Trapped in a cold bog with nothing to do but sob
Into a heart-throb I wished to turn but it stopped
And it burns to know that
I hurt you and turned you into what you are today

Its pain but I wait until that day when we can be happy together again
That day when the sun may shine in the sky
And roses will twinkle inside a snow storm of wine
The pain and the pleasure will mix and collide

The screams that we let out into the cold dark world
The feelings that went begging for a care or a second look
The times that we thought of taking our own lives
But we lied to ourselves and our thoughts were left behind

The sentient reaches of our minds
Blinded in their haste to get behind
Got behind a sheen of nonsensicality
To hide behind chaos

To conceal from our own selves
The redness of the sores inflicted
The bruises, if we could only see them to cure them
But they are nowhere to be found
Although we know they are there

They are hurting and we turn numb to the pain
Like riders in a desert stop believing in the rain
And like shadows in permanent dark losing hope of the sun
You and I eventually will stop believing in love

that time of the year

Shits been getting to me lately and i am having to find the power to squeeze to bring it all out. It is like i've become a compartment for negativity. A sponge. I just absorb it and it disappears into the internal reaches of my being. Who knows what happens to it men. all i know is that my outlook changes and motivation levels are sinking, bloody end of the year. everything has such a climatic cumulative feel to it. like the air is rushing past your ears and your engine's increasing it's roar as the gears shift down and you prepare to screech to a halt on the 31st to take a break and start off all over again.

So morbidly depressing, like machines you say? hell man. This has gotta break free some time. "Very motivated individual biding time to break free from reality and embrace the dreams that have consumed him since childhood". Do you think that'll look good on my CV? nah, didn't think so either.

You know i am beginning to think there is some psychological sense to having a new year resolution. It doesn't justify it, but i am beginning to see why such a phenomenon came to exist. We are all organized from a very micro level to the macro-est level around the 'calendar year'. Jobs, education, companies, schools, birthdays, marriages, childbirths, governments etc etc. It doesn't mean anything though does it? time is continuous after all. yet we've all categorized it into years. and a year is such a neat little pocket to keep it all in isn't it? so we're all about 'woah this year i'll do this' and 'next year i'll do that' and 'in this year there is this significant event's but what we don't realize is that in reality, a year doesn't mean anything special at all. Its jut a pocket of time people, that's all.

But that doesn't change anything, our world is constructed around definitions of time. so we're pretty much forced to live accordingly unless we're in a Maltese beachfront rainforest surfing the waves day after day on a piece of wood shaved off a tree trunk in blissful ignorance of the world of compartmentalized time. Now maybe that's one way to free yourself of the obsessive influence of The System

Since the majority of us are not that lucky, or not that brave, we're all infected with this end of the year fever, because of the system we are living in. And yes its fun, but it's also effing confusing. and a part of me can't wait for the post hangover punch-in-the-stomach daylight surge of reality that January inevitably brings

when i was five

she held my hand
she moved it down
she let it go
and held me there
as she knelt down
I caressed her hair
as she set to work
and i began to frown
with the efffort of
not breaking down.
then she finished
and i was happy.
now i'm grown up though
and i can tie my own.

solutions from machines

you're my luncheon
thats what I thought but then
you sprang a trap
and I was almost caught
within it's sharp pointed
metal gaps
you smiled like a baby
then you drew your claws
oh you're crazy
and I'm glad I'm not yours.
You almost trapped me
oh yes you almost got me
but the traps have come before
and I know a thing or two
about women now.
hahahaha!
Free!

2008 - In retrospect

Celebration for the devil's deprivation
for the speeded aftermath of the hangover's painful lesson.

Lust for the dust the browbeaten and the hurt
inflicted, undertook, thrown away and cured.

Fire
for the pain the power the desire
the rewired ire the smoked sacrifice
of a dire life.

Solace
for the green fields of home
the stretch to the end
the truth becomes real in my eyes.

The Killed

My mind's in a tailspin the torque has a hold
bringing me down into a depth tenfold
of where I was before and where I wanted to be
there is nothing that I know of in this knowledge less sea.
They killed me, and left my soul to be damned
they raged and they sped in the grips of an evil plan
they spat and they scratched me anyway they could
they wounded and broke, and I took it like I should.

Took it for the hopes that I shed and gave up on
took it for the dreams that I didn't quite believe in
took it for the demons I created in my mind
took it for the lies, that I told from time to time
I died for the bastard that I was to some people
I died for the hate that my actions bred
now I'm ripped through and through
and the last of my blood is shed,
the demons I created within me
can finally find their rest.

Inspired by The Kill by Unsilent Dawn.

Tough Love

It’s all the rage upstairs these days I'm told. The war is 'coming to a close' and everyone is getting a bit cocky. And now we are within 'kissing distance' of Killinocchi. Nice. I’m kind of picturing Sarath Fonseka locking lips with Prabhakaran after a long drawn out battle through the dust and grime, through smoke and flying bullets etc. The poignant reunion of two estranged lovers. Slinky soundtrack plays and poof! There goes the ethnic conflict.

Meanwhile the Tigers seem to be showing us their purring affection by killing a claimed 170 SL Army troops. Funny thing though; we seem to have noticed only 25 of them gone. Maybe the rest haven't realized they're dead yet. Or maybe there's a problem with the paperwork. I mean, if the paper work says they aint dead, a simple thing like an actual dead body can't be allowed to show up and spoil it all yeah. Then again, they (the tigers) could be lying, and so could we. It starts getting a bit complicated when you start thinking along those lines.

On the subject of paperwork and petrol. Whooped for joy when I heard the cabinet was actually going to revise the petrol prices to 100 bucks and actually follow a Supreme Court order for a change and then deflated with a cigarette half an hour later when I found out that actually, they weren't.

The reason? Some complicated high end top secret national security concern? Not really, our government is not very competent in putting out vague generalizations with big words that make us go 'ah!' and shut up because we don't understand. No, at least they're straight forward. No photocopy was sent to the cabinet from the Supreme Court. A copy of the order to reduce petrol was not received by the cabinet. I mean the order that was put forward by the Supreme Court to reduce the price of petrol was not received in paper by the cabinet. the order the paper the petrol the cabinet the supreme court. And it all boiled down to an A4 sheet. I mean wtf?? Is it just me or does anyone else see anything completely absurd here that a finger cannot quite be put upon?

Maybe dunking my head in an ice cold bucket of water will clear things up. I suggest you do the same, cos pretty soon it's gonna get a bit hot in here me thinks.

Garage

So this is the non religion specific winter solstice holiday...

And this year I..



Got tagged by Noorie and Lady Divine to write this

Started a blog. Actually started this blog last year but really started 'writing shit down' after my mid year exams.

Met people from the blogodrome and made some good friends.

Had a complicated love life.

Started a company.

Moved houses.

Kept smoking.

Didnt make any resolutions and dont plan to next year either..

Read a shitload of books and watched a shitload of movies.

Think I am a changed person from who I was last year, but hell, I keep changing everyday, so thats a constant.

Am still trying to figure out how to beat the system and still reap its benefits.


Yess! thank you and I hereby tag My Prerogative, Realskullzero, Middle Child, Meg, Indi and for the heck of it, Mahinda Rajapakse.

Dear Santa

The Russians and the Canadians are after the oil
And the Americans and Scandinavians are not far behind
The land beneath you is breaking up
And pretty soon the North Pole is going to suck

They say Obama does not believe in you
That Putin really doesn't give a damn too
The credit crunch has increased your costs
and Lehman collapsed and your reserves were lost

They say Rudolf is dissatisfied with your existing culture
And the elves are forming a strike in manufacture
Your operation is riddled with ancient management structures
And your beard is losing its much loved luster

You're wife is pissed 'cos the North Pole's melting
It was minus 40 C there but now it's scorching
All your people are in a terrible bother
and the Polar Bears are now eating each other

You're stuck in a crisis and your sledge won't start
'Cos you can't find anyone who makes it's outdated parts
You can't get a car, and I know why
There's no way on Earth you can make a Hyundai fly

Al Gore won't help you with the Global Warming
He just got his Oscar, and now he's resting
Where firm ground stood, there is now a puddle
And your whole operation is hitting a muddle

Kid's today are doubtful and are losing trust
They'd rather get their toys from the shelf at Wal-mart
And as for the rest of them without money to eat
Well, you never cared much about mouths to feed

Face it Santa your going out of fashion
Faster than you can say 'Glacier-like obstruction'
You need to find a new base and a leaner operation
Face it, or you'll soon be a dead personification

Maybe get FedEx to do your distribution
Fire your elves and make the toys in China
Have a customer service hotline all year round
(I know an excellent call centre that will help you out)

Call me fast and i'll set you up
Somewhere in Western Asia for a very small fee
We shall work together and with my consultancy
A force to be reckoned with, you will once again be.


Regards,

The WhacksteR

Change Consultant
(Specialist: Anthropomorphic Personifications)

Snowball Lives!

Long overdue post exam post. That sounds catchy no, post exam post? No? ah well. attempts at humour tend to dry up when you've just gone through a few days of intense brain work i suppose.

No peace for me after that though. Headed directly into working on my degree assignments. Woe is me. What i can't stand is people letting their emotions get in the way of work man! I mean you've got relationships for these things. And if you've got a relationship thats getting harder to go through there's no reason to take it out on innocent bystanders who are not going to hit you back.

Just cos you're tolerant enough is no reason to keep taking shit. And then you dont go and judge the person who refused to take shit for not being willing to take it and call them religious elitists and be all judgementally prudish on them. Anyone who does that, and i am not saying anyone does, has double standards and is potentially qualified to recieve a KKK honorary membership.

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others - Orwell, yes yes i got an accelerated dose of Animal Farm last night. Brilliant piece of work. Read it through in a matter of hours. I know im kinda late to start reading Orwell, him being the revolutionary he is (or was) and all but hey, better late than never. My next target is 1984 since i've heard so much about it.

Finished another one called Catch 22. Now thats a definite read for anyone man. Based in World War 2 Italy. Funny as hell and extremely insightul. You've got a hero called Yossarian who's goal is to stay as far away from actual heroics as he possibly can, you've got Nately, Nately's whore, Nately's whore's kid sister, Hungry Joe (who sleeps with Dobbs' cat on his face and screams in his sleep all night long), Yossarian's room mate Orr, his obsession with very small mechanical parts and a host of other crazy out-of-this-world shit that makes some wierd kinda sense when put together.

Other reads lately include Stephen Hawkwing's Theory of Everything which i'm just digging into and Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea which i've not touched yet.

Got heaps more lying around.

and then they went pfffttt...

Hey what the fuck is this??

I dont know man! its a fucking bomb!

How can you tell if you dont know??

Well exactly! Its a bomb cos i dont know what it is!

Hoy shit. You're probably right. Lets open it up.

A chewing gum romance

She picked me up
She took me whole
She chewed me
Bathing me in her
Gloriously warm spittle,
Cuddling me under
The soft folds of her tongue
And admonishing me
With her sharp white teeth.
Then she spat me out.

Where have all the terrorists gone?

Ok now here’s a question for all you people out there who think Prabahakaran’s a terrorist. Does he not wank at night before goes to sleep? If you prick him does he not bleed? If you stole his lunch and beat him up, would he not cry? Is he but a man like you and me? Or is he really a woman inside like Boy George or Mervin Silva? Or is he, like many believe him to be, the illegitimate, discarded son of the devil himself? Illegitimate because the devil in a drunken stupor landed in Jaffna thinking it was LA and did it with a bush lizard of some type thinking it was Celine Dion or Donald Trump? And even though you might say all the devil’s children, like George Bush, are illegitimate since after all the devil leads by example, discarded because a bush lizard is still a bush lizard and even the devil has his standards?

Yes, yes it is very brave of me to sit safe in my room in an undisclosed location in the greater Colombo area and smugly type away vicious insults to the grand old boy of Sri Lankan terrorism I know. But that’s okay, I am not asking for any medals, just doing my civic duty as a roadblock loving Sri Lankan citizen who would think nothing of sacrificing about 15 minutes of the first part of his crucial CIM exams so that some power loving money hungry white shirt wearing deranged komodo dragon of a politician can wait for his wife to leave (through a different route, eliciting the services of other patriots and honourable citizens such as I) so that he can get his servant to suck him off in the kitchen and still get his nice round ass to parliament for the next power hungry bastard with something to gain to kiss in 15 minutes flat. Oh yes, I am all for efficient governance.

While retracting my rather tasteless comments about the devil and his dirty deeds above, for after all a lady is still a lady even though she may have been unfortunate enough to have a son like Prabhakaran, I am forced to ask, who is the real terrorist here?

One, gets people to die for him without even meeting them in the name of an ancient cause that frankly no one even knows anything about anymore. The other, revels in the war effort and uses it to consolidate his power by scaring the people making them bend over double and give him all their money. Probably half of which he uses to buy weapons netting a handy commission out of the whole deal. Some might call it a lost cause. But no one really knows anymore.

It’s like when Mr Perera snapped at Mrs Soyza’s dog and Mrs Soyza called Mrs Perera a drunken whorebag because Mr. Soyza who drinks every night, can’t resist looking over the wall to get a peek at Mrs. Perera’s extra large green cotton panties hanging on the washing line. And so begins a long drawn out battle between the Pererá’s and Soyza’s and including, among it’s many casualties, a cut down thambili tree for daring to drop its produce on the wrong side of the parapet wall, a surprised bas unnahey who chose the wrong side of the border to keep his foot on during some construction, a harangued local police officer sick and tired of dealing with petty complaints and who ultimately suffered a stroke, and even more harassed looking neighbours unable to sleep due to noisy arguments from both sides all through the night, and who went out and didn’t contribute positively to the workforce and spread the insomnia throughout their acquaintances and throughout over ever widening circles causing car accidents, bus accidents, moral degeneracy and a serious economic down turn preceded by a financial crisis in the US where the Perera’s stressed and vacation deprived son was working at Bear Sterns as an investment banker looking for a new high return, risk insurable investment opportunity.

Ultimately, the Soyza’s dog died from a heart attack and Mrs. Perera stopped wearing extra large green cotton panties due to having lost so much weight by fighting all day and through having developed an allergy to cotton that brought her out in itches and boils that her doctor said was due to stress and from not being able to stand the colour green anymore because it gave her traumatic nightmares about how it all started. And Mr. Soyza stopped drinking after a bout of extreme depression when Mrs Perera stopped wearing extra large green cotton panties and stayed sober in order to better focus on the fight at hand and trounce the opponent even though he hadn’t the faintest what it was all about, having been drinking at the time it all started. And Mrs Soyza wouldn’t stop fighting till Mr Perera stopped and Mr. Perera didn’t see why he should stop until Mrs. Soyza backed off and apologized despite the pleadings of the harangued police officer and his insistence that there was nothing left to fight over anymore.

And so they bred the same hate and ignorance within all their children who in turn proudly presented it to their children as a part of the great heritage of their respective families and the Perera’s and the Soyza’s continue to fight to this day and no one really remembers or cares that it all started over a long dead dog and a pair of extra large green cotton panties.

So who’s the real terrorist here I ask you again. If you were to ask me, I would say neither. There are no terrorists here at all, only angry people with weapons (and a possibly inherited fetish for alcohol and extra large green cotton panties), who have forgotten why they got angry in the first place.

And as for terrorism itself, well we are all unknowingly embroiled in it. It is an aura surrounding us that we can't shake off.



Disclaimer -The selection of these two esteemed Sri Lankan last names was purely random, and may have been triggered by the memory of two families in my former neighborhood that were constantly at loggerheads with each other. No offense meant to any individual bearing the names of Soyza or Perera, nor to anyone fond of green cotton undergarments of any size, and i sincerely hope no offense was taken!

Regurgitate

I collapse
almost
within the reach
of the door.

Regurgitate
Falling back
marketing research
the planning gap
quantitavive methods
quality circles
what a load.

the road is blurred
need to go
on inside
to sit
to write.

The fantasy black
darkness forseen
the mental illusion
a mystery shopper
probing my mind.

cant
move
fall
back
dellsuional
faint
fade
THE MARKETING PLAN!
no no thats tomorrow
THE RESEARCH objective?
ah yes thats
more like
it,
Struggle
GET UP
MOVE

cant..
 fade..
  faint..
   crumple...
     the door..
      the testtttttttttgukbf9y8 A)C6895qd8961207.............

First Love

blurred vision
a truth of a new kind
fell on her eyes
as her thoughts slackened
and she got lost
in a slumber of the mind
she prayed,
she hoped it was just another warm illusion
a comforting thought
but just passing by
but no
it was not to be
her heart as yet untouched
as yet untainted
was to be lost
lost in the folds of an innocent lust
lost in a dream of love
lost in a wave
carried towards a shore
far away
never to beat the same
ever again.

Wishful Thinking

Ah damn, i wish it was the end of next week already so that my exams would be over and I could enjoy my 10 days of study leave by taking off somewhere instead of having to be holed up studying.

I wish the world would stop turning for a coupla hours every night so that I could get some much needed shut eye and still wake up before 6 a.m.

Ah, i wish i was fitter and more agile so that I could take a break from working out without feeling guilty and start off again when my body slips back to it's present state.

I wish i could travel during office hours without having to take the office van or bus and still end up at home in 20 minutes.

I wish i had a black belt in karate so that the next time i get into a fight, I wont have to.

I wish these ficking three-wheelers had taxi meters, so that all the fun of bargaining won't end up either causing a hole in my pocket or an injustice to a poor chap trying to make a living.

I wish that I just had the standard three wishes so that I could simply wish for a thousand more and keep wishing for things instead of having to work for 'em.

Yes that about covers it. I think.

To

My queen
the heroine of my dream
my fleeting illusion
or a vision
of a future never seen.

spellbound but detached
i watched, and
she looked my way as well.
Those fleeting smiles
those slight thoughtful frowns
those moments
when i looked in your eyes
i lost a fantasy that was freshly found.

a few words exchanged
nothing but casual conversation
an engagement which
does not attract my particular favoration.
But our minds were gripped
by words never to be spoken
and feelings not known to express
by a simple human tongue.

and there we stood.
While the world revolved
while songs were sung
And little conversations died and born.
Fleeting seconds
eating into awareness
stamping magic
to be remembered.

a fantasy found
and quickly lost
no fear in trust
but a fear in lust
a fear, but probably irrational.
For then she left.
And i was cast in doubt.
Wondering, but not for long
for she was just another girl i met
who captured my breast
and held herself there
listening to my heartbeat.

yes, they are rare.
But they are also fleeting in their existence
and one day
if i met u again my queen,
that magic that had once been
perhaps would be lost
as life and its elements,
take over with reality's sheen.

so why not stop.
Right here and now.
And leave ourselves
with these simple memories
immortalized rays of sunshine
stamping magic on our minds.

[may sound a bit corny but i dont care. Met this girl at a party. She was great. But nothing ensued. And nothing was and will be pursued. Its a memory though. And something i felt was worth having around. PeeaCE peOple!]

Ask a dumb question..

so then, my father starts chasing her round and round the car trying to call her into the house, cos my father draws and my mother draws u see. And then my mother goes out to see what all the commotion is about and to get her to come in and see the paintings!'

wait hold on machang so your father draws and your mother draws, do u draw as well?

no machan i jerk off. What do u do?

ah well, ask a dumb question.

Happy Birthday!!!!

to Middle Child..

Here's to a super duper outrageously awesome year ahead!!

And may you have loads and loads of new exclamation marks to exclaim with!


ps - im one day late. sorry sorry i just found out you see.. save the best for the last and all that heh. erm :)

Snappy

Damn, is everyone having a bad time? I swear, things have been doing the solo from 'November rain' on my nerves all week! Twanging them and twisting them beyond all recognition. This morning I lost my temper with my mother. Something I immediately regretted. Apologized right away though. Last person I want to hurt is my mama (makes gurgly baby noises)

Ok now back to my week. It all started with my ex. She doesn’t consider a conversation worthwhile unless she manages to piss me off somehow. She keeps going on and on pushing my buttons and I always keep my composure you see? but somehow she breached all my defenses yesterday and boom! I went Fick.

Some might wonder, if she's my ex why am i still talking to her? plain answer is I don’t know. Its not like we're romantically involved anymore. that ended a long time ago. But we tried, very stupidly it seems. to do the whole 'lets be friends thing' and before you know it, when we are in the middle of a totally normal conversation some monster from the past creeps in and metamorphoses into a raging beast of wrath destroying everything in its wake.

You know when you're sms'ing someone and things start getting heated up and pretty soon you're having two different conversations at the same time? when that happens, either someone backs down or someone cracks and unleashes the verbal demon so to speak. because pretty soon, two conversations turn into three conversations when you start having to discuss several points at the same time, and start splitting up more and more so it’s not surprising that pretty soon everything blows up sky high.

You might wonder how I’ve become such an expert on the intricacies of sms dominated conversation. Well you try having a long standing relationship with someone with sms as the chief (and mostly only) mode of conversation, and see. ‘Unhealthy’ you may say. I'll say 'uh, you think?'

Add to that an annoying iron that burns your shirt in the morning, the discovery that you have run out of clothes to wear and your laundry has been piling up, rabid dogs ganging up on you on the beach, people at work being total bitches, losing your temper at these bitches, exams looming up, assignments looming up, delayed presentations, delayed personal portfolio documents, disillusionment about my job and an unfulfilled dream to break away and get out of this place to somewhere free and floating and you will probably understand why I’m not that much of a happy puppy these days.

So if I yell at you, please understand it’s nothing personal, I’m just mentally charged up and badly in need of a fight. Any takers? Huh? ANYONE WANT A PIECE OF THIS?????*


*kidding kidding, Im calm. Ooomm, oomm, ah, i am a flower on a green field, floating like a feather, drifting on a summer breeze, a wisp of cloud. Ahh.

All day I dream

sghnbvfeowztt

dazed

you my eyes can't touch and my heart can't face

my life is separate

my death is a rat race

all my thoughts rage on to reach that fateful day

when the break of flesh from soul will see the universe uncovered.

I cowered.

A humbling sensation in my gut

a feeling of lonesome lust

a bust.

a statue of a female empowered.

recreates within my permeated conscience.

nonsense.

is that what i speak?

has madness overtaken me, already, at a subconscious level?

will i soon drivel?

will i soon slobber and swivel?

out there on the loaded road,

among young and old

a fool?

to pity

to let live but to avoid

to let go but not to be followed

lest the question is contagious.

what led this poor being

to the edges of the cliffs

teetering on the balance

over the vast oceans of insanity?

what clarity!

what an evil glint of intelligence.

yet what a desperate confusion

lies within those eyes

hides within that gaze

of frenetic intensity.

The dynamics of change

Got this sudden urge to try a mobile post. So this will be somewhat of a test post. As for the title, The Dynamics of Change, wel that was something right out of the realms of a mental gutter. But i'l get to that later.

so im not at all sure how this thing is goin to look once its posted. Spending a rather quiet saturday lolling around in bed. Bit of a rough one last night. How about a bit of spontaneous poetry then?

he sat
he clapped
the show starts.
The little people
dressed in black
in a snowy field
its a midwinter
witches' bath.
Its a farce
but the real thing
is not so different
and not so far away.
So they dance
wanting to be demons
but their blood might boil
if they knew what hell felt like.

Er. No idea where that came from. Sometimes i scare me. Neways hope all of yall r havin a wonderful saturday, I need to sort of start studying soon though.

On the note of change though, im sighing heavily because it seems that my days as a beach boy are numbered. And that number's gettin smaller by the day:S cheers.

Sent from my phone using trutap

Shagger on the beach!

You gotta realize now I am not using 'shag' here in the traditional Brightish sense of the word. Or, to put it in another way, I don’t mean by saying 'shag' that two people are going at it like a couple of dogs in mating season suddenly realizing that unbeknownst to them, they have moved to the middle of the high road in the heat of passion. Ok, them moving to the high road in the heat of passion is not really relevant to the explanation. But what the hell, It’s funny seeing those critters in mid-orgasm thinking WTF! When they suddenly see a full scale Ashok Leyland Viking bearing down upon them with all its fury. Screaming conductors probably don’t help the situation.

But getting back to the point, by 'shag' I simply meant a guy jerking himself off, in strict Sri Lankan singlo-english urban lingo. The same lingo in which saying 'fit' indicates that one is in agreement with something and tells nothing in particular about one's health. And where 'bugger' is idly flung around to describe anybody from your 4 year-old kid to your deceased English master and no forceful anal sex is even remotely implied therein. Remnants of a colonial age? Maybe the 'bugger', but the 'shag' I’m not so sure about. Anthropologists?

Anyway, getting to the interesting bit and to the root of all this dilly dallying on slang and the greater meaning of life, I saw a gentleman on the beach jerking off today. I mean like WTF? A guy goes for a peaceful run in the morning to stretch his limbs and kick start his day, and some chap standing with only a t-shirt on calmly jerking himself off with one hand while occasionally scratching his baby white butt with the other is NOT exactly something he generally wants to see. Add to that the whole ethical code of behavior thing. Don’t they have that kinda thing on Sri Lankan beaches? I mean sure, there are many people who regularly take an early morning dump, some of them calmly smoking a beedee or reading a paper (it's true, I’ve seen them) but that’s normal. See, I can handle (by handle i mean that my mentality can effectively cope up with) gnarled old Sri Lankan men doing a load on the beach ‘cos i know they probably dont have another option. And it’s only a few of them anyway. After the tsunami, the beach near where I live has simply turned into something almost from a travel guide to 'exotic third world locations' like. Lush greenery, wide, hardly polluted beaches, fine salty air, the occasional rabid dog, and a partly destroyed holiday home that the owners never got around to repairing.

Now there's something about seeing a chap calmly standing there looking at far off fishermen pulling in that big net (the name of which I forget) and calmly shaking his little white weener that is just enough to turn me a bit green. And you can bet it’s not with envy. He was just walking into the beach when I was passing the deserted bungalow. He was decently clothed then in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt yeah? On the way back though I was forced to witness the spectacle that I just went through with you.

I yelled 'Hey what the f*ck man?' while running past him. he just looked up, with a slightly surprised, affronted look on his face as if I was invading his privacy. Didn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed. Was working his hand up and down the whole time. I did the whole circling-your-index-finger-a-little-above-the-vicinity-of-your-ear thing that I know to universally mean 'you’re crazy' and ran on. Just hope he wasn’t spotted by any of the fishermen or tough beach dwellers living out there. They can get a bit sensitive about these things. You gotta have some cultural savvy you know. Damned foreigners.

So you...

...see, im planning on starting a new hobby/ joining the local artsy fartsy club. Problem is, I dont have a digicam. So here's where you beautiful people come in, can ya'll tell me what kinda cam I should get (being the enthusiastic amateur that I am) keeping in mind that my budget is somewhere between 20 and 30 grand (im talking Sri Lankan grands right) and that I am having a cousin conveniently flying down from the US of A this month (assuming things are cheaper there)?

Anyone?

The Way

This song has been in my head for the past coupla days now. Can't shake it off. It's my new ringtone as well. It's an awesome freedom anthem man. The embodiment of an urban fantasy for eternal bliss.

It's based on a true story, that of Lela and Raymond Howard, an elderly couple from Salado, Texas. They left their home to go to a family reunion 15 miles away and never arrived there. They disappeared on the road. Fastball bassist Tony Scalzo came up with the idea for the song after reading the articles (the band is from Austin, Texas) in the papers after the couple's disappearance. He said "It's a romanticized take on what happened" meaning he didnt go 'aiyo sin men' and picture something that someone else might, like an unfortunate accident maybe. No, He pictured them on a quest for freedom. Reunited with their younger days, punch drunk with love again, their whole lives ahead of them, going down that golden road, perhaps signifying heaven.

As it turned out, and as the band discovered soon after they wrote the song, the couple had met with an accident, and a very unfortunate one at that. But the song stands testament to Fastball's brilliance. And to the wonderful nature of the human imagination. And also i am sure, as a fitting tribute to Lela and Raymond.

***

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?

They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down They started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see The road that they walk on is paved in gold
And It's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll Never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows Wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happier there today , today

The children woke up
And they couldn't find 'em
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off
And left it all behind 'em
But Where were they going Without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And It's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll Never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happy there today , today (repeat)

~ Fastball.
(video)

Compromised

Feeling the blue blight of shocked, sightless eyes
A break in the horizon leaves me in thoughtful compromise
It is a cut horizontal in it's dimension
which cleaves the edge of my heart and frays my intention.

Non benevolent absolution
that attempts to appease my mind
a play at pretension, owned up to but it is secretly hoped,
that the disguise of intellect will go unnoticed

But the insides of stupidity so artfully concealed
beneath a fickle mental layer of sawdust revealed
under the battering punch of a heavy weight boxer
smashing it to smithereens.

Driving into the layer beneath
deeper into the emptiness within
creating questions of enormous self doubt
bleeding, seething, revealing all

All the darkness cleverly concealed
the pit of doom is uncovered beneath
and through the light layer of forest brush and leaves
I fell screaming
towards the sharpened, poisoned beams.

Fallen off??

Hey yo! what happened to St. Fallen? our friendly neighborhood blogger of a misunderstood sexually abusive nature, occasional pot smoker, guitarist, lyricist and dreamy poet?? You there brother? Hello?

Blocked

Writers block is a terrible thing. I find my mind chock a block full of things i'd like to talk about, well, write about, but goddamnit! i cant write! Helpp!

Oh yeah and its about time you stopped throwing those bitch fits cos im getting kinda tired of it. Yeah you know who you are. The blogosphere has been strangely bland of late maan. There's too much of the same thing going around what? or maybe it’s just me. Obama's been a hot topic well, he’s always a hot topic. I personally think he'll either fall into the conventional US presidential stereotype and advocate peaceful foreign policy and play the middle road or he'll start acting upon all his rhetoric and belief and shake everything up in Washington. He'll have powerful enemies. Huge corporates with vested interest in the existing government. Powerful lobbyists. Israel with their usual narrow minded murderous intentions.

The American power base is too steeped in deep rooted corruption for one man to be able to change it all. Sometimes i think we've got it better over here. Over there, damn. Things have been operating the same way for so long that all of it has intertwined to form one hell of a big balled up fishing net and no one will be able to unravel it on their own. Obama will either have to inspire the people who can really change things. That is, convince powerful individuals to give up personal interest and work for the greater good of the world. and I mean really work for it. sincerely and honestly. with long term intent for nothing but the good of humankind. sound like a bunch of idealistic nonsense right? Exactly.

So assuming Obama does turn the way we're all hoping he would, and assuming he fails to unlock the sweet caring nature of corporate bigwigs and Washington powerbrokers and inspire them into being a godsend to the people, instead of a scourge, he's gonna create a lot of friction. And remember Kennedy? JFK the reformist? Obama may go down in a burning ball of flame. To be forever remembered as the guy who believed we could change the world.

And we? what would we do? Oh, we'd just go back living our sad little lives each of us trying to trample down the guy below to get as high as we can. Up our own little ladders we go! Ah it’s a wonderful world (Cat Stevens people, now there’s a guy who gave it all up and totally changed himself).

desire, rewire, refire.

Singling out certain doubts, feeding them and nurturing them and letting them grow in to beanstalks leading into darkness beyond white fluffy clouds that were once full of rain and then the sun came out.

But our journey takes us beyond into the mesmerizing plains of the atmosphere, a canopy of fear guarding our worst failures. And failures to be will emerge as the poetic dream shifts its surge and looks back down to where it came from.

A shifting tarmac of dark golden star tracks. A dreaming deer caught in the headlights of oncoming sunlight. The seething fear of broken down emotions.

The bleeding dear of a loved one's bosom is caused by you, you who pierced it with a stake of molten metal, you who hurt them till their blood turned blue.

Yet it is you who regret and float above the stratosphere, it is you who look about and see with wandering eyes the negative possibilities in the darkness that is so near.

It is you who fear.

It is you who refuse to see the clear light of the stars above your head, now removed from all obstacles in between by your journey of fear that transcended your barriers which were the clouds of rain and sunshine that you did not want to leave.

Your beanstalk has grown and your giant is waiting, it is the sky and the stars are the golden eggs of that chicken like bird that will make you rich and it is yours to grasp and to live and to die. Freedom's limits are literally in the sky.

That is why. You need to look up and cry. For joy, and the pain of leaving what is below, far behind.

What I do to chill out

Ah man, things are getting more hectic by the day, as the presure of impending exams and assignments builds up on top of work and the hassle of being in between shifting homes you increasingly look for more ways of relaxing. More ways of using what little free time you have to relax as much as you can. Here are my top 5 ways of relaxxxing.. aaaahhh

1) Working out - from anything to running, cricket, b-ball to lifting some weights to push ups at home. its really hard to bring yourself to do it but once you force yourself to start you'll feel the lethargy slipping away and some energy entering your bloodstream, and feel pretty much great afterwards!

2) Movies - Something which just takes you away for a couple hours to somewhere where the world as you know it does not exist. Just watched Master & Commander the other day. It was inventive, witty, the plot is intelligently devised. Other favorites include the Lord of the Rings (all three movies which i've lost count of how many times ive watched), Stardust (a bit girly maybe but still great!), The Martrix Trilogy, Snatch, The Godfather, The Illusionist, Anything by M. Night Shyamalan, City of Gods and the list extends.

3) Nature - Looking at the stars or staring at the waves. Those are th most accessible wonders of the universe to me. owing to me living close to the beach. The stars of course, are free to look at for anybody.

4) Reading - I read a lot. Right now i'm going randomly through Adam Smith's 'Wealth Of Nations' but no before you call me insane I do read the occasional novel. Used to read them a lot more back in the day but just find them too distracting now. So i've rationed myself to the occasional treat. Last couple I read were Terry Pratchett's 'Carpe Jugulum' and Isaac Asimov's 'Robots and Empire'. Mostly tend to stick to Sci-fi Fantasy stuff. have any of you guys heard of a chap called Iain M. Banks? he writes excellent sci-fi. The late A.C. Clarke is also a big fav.

5) Other stuff - like listening to music ( from heavy metal to trance to the radio to relaxing stuff like Enya, Enigma and just discovered this awesome Sri Lankan lounge band which Realskullzero plays in), to the occasional cigarette, to chilling out with friends to going for long drives on empty roads with some radio jockey for company. Lots of other things in fact, but only these just popped into my mind right now.

Do I LOOK like a people person?

Where do you go when the world lets you down?
When all that you’ve clung to has fallen to the ground
When the pillars that held your roof up safe and sound
Come crashing down

Where do you go you little sensitive soul?
You poor little boy,
Surrounded by so many yet always alone?
Now where will you go my son?

Where will you go when the sun stops shining?
Where will you go when the moon does not rise?
Where will you go when the waves stop crashing?
Where will you go when the river reaches its end?

And when will you be happy at the rate that you’re running?
Running away from everything you know
Too scared to touch, too proud to experiment
Too bad for your soul, where will you go?

Women

Bah! they are good for one thing and one thing only. cooking. and maybe a couple other things. when i was young i  never felt the urge to associate with them. i changed my mind somewhere down the line and now im suffering!! argh. they are distracting! 

They distract me when i walk down the road, they distract me in class, they distract me when i look over my cubilcle at the guy-next-to-me's PC. they distract me at work in general. i just cant help noticing them. their curves, how they hold their neck up. is she confident? is she proud? or is she just too scared to be her-self?

i am fucking intrigued by them. i tell you they are a scourge on humanity.

and their hair! now dont get me talking about their hair! theres nothing like a well endowed graceful figure of a woman raising her arms up to tie her long glossy black hair into a ponytail to stop you mind from working. At moments like that you just tend to glaze over and there seems to be this primal instinct that kicks in and forces you to slump in your chair and stare like a moron. God! the hair. Fuck.

Man, if i could i would brianwash myself into not thinking about women. its even worse if you're in a relationship with one of them. cos then you feel guilty everytime you admire another one of them. No, much better in fact, to be like a zoologist on a safari or something. if you have to look.

My Psycho Chick

So everyone’s talking about the psycho chick they’ve loved

I’ve loved one too but it wasn’t she who was insane

‘Twas me my friend I was head over heels

Over head over heels over heels over head.

In love I smelled the flowers in the warm breeze

I was picturing us lying on blankets so soft

Laughing while I played with her hair

Oh this is too soppy to bear.

So I’ll get to the bottom line,

She rejected me and the world lost its shine.

But not really ‘cos then I realized

I loved her more for the way she made me feel

Not for who she was inside.

I loved her selfishly

Selfishly did I adore

That psycho chick did not need an encore.

She needed a total bore

A bore who would love her for who she was to the core.

But she had beautiful eyes

And if I still met her once in a while

Under her spell I may fall once again a prisoner

To go starry eyed

To feel the magic again, soaking up my spine.

Here's a question...

for all you gay people and pro-gay people out there.

If the whole of the world's population were to turn gay, would that be ok?

And if that happened, wouldn't the human race disappear over the course of one generation?

Ok that was a couple of questions. Sorry about that.

I know there are a lot of intelligent people out there who proudly uphold the cause of gay people, and I want to know if they've thought through this particular (longer term, but albeit relevant) aspect of the whole thing.

So fire away.

Electornmin signald ofrom the sttrocmach

Sometimes I feel the urge to write nothing but nonsense. OSmething that Does not make ssenss. Nopt give a shiot about typos. Spelling mistakes oh wait they are the same thing. Not gove a fuck about people seing even though they will. Free form baby all the way./

Naked on abeach I will starte at the clouds on the night sky. Im not giving a shot about grammaer either. The stars will come out and they will twinkile at me and sai look at that little bugger standing nake d on the beacj looking uop at asu.

Listen to the harkeing sould of the albatross on the waves surfing on a surfboard that is colored neon black. See the wavses split apwar and watch the sight of the sound in thesea of the brown formerly shark infested water slip down in to the abuss of the aimless silence below

Watch the people know, watch them explore the limits of sanoty, watch them stand in the grey border of where sense meets madness and judge you who are standin on a mountain of you own inventyion.

Swear. The gfreedon to sear, it’s a free fucking country isn’t it? It’s a free country nut the words will come out in a blurred monotone whjen your piss drunk and think you are brad pitt wit Jim carrey sense of humor before it wen t bad. Also cool like depp and crazy in a very fetching way like earnest hemingway. Hemingwway? LIESTEN to me////////

Kkkrrrchhtt….

Transmission ends.

HIDE

The cold is so bracing the past is embracing

Sometimes I feel I want to fucking hide away.

Inside the pacing on the footsteps of my conscience

Knocking up a racket in my heart.

Every step, every whoosh of a foot lifted up

Swirls me in disgust and fear does not forgive,

It’s hard to control in the enveloping dark.

Sometimes I feel I want to hide away from all this

Get away and run off to a dead black jungle somewhere

Run away and live in the dark.

I want to hide, from sick, shriveling lives

I want to hide from the neoliberal inside.

I want to hide from the oppressing squirm

Of the pressure inflicted upon me by my dastardly ambition.

The dead bride of my inhibition

A carcass tied to my hand.

Dragging me, weighing me down.

So am I wrong? And can you blame me if I say

That sometimes I just want to hide the fuck away?

Just want to get away

Just want to escape

Just want

Out.

Male Strippers

…are short in supply. There are various hen parties in Sri Lanka taking place as we speak, well not AS we speak since it is daytime now and most hen parties tend to take place at night, with many forlorn women chugging the wine out of sheer boredom and misery because of a lack of lascivious male bodies sheathed in a coating of oil, shaking to ‘I will survive’, to entertain them.

Jeremiah Sunandasami Johnson, an enterprising er, entrepreneur, has decided to change all that, and it is with the plight of these poor neglected ladies in mind that I publish this short (and rather drab I should add) PR cum advertising supplement courtesy his newly incorporated organization.

Entrepreneurship is at its best when a potential entrepreneur identifies an unsatisfied market segment and caters to it. The more unsatisfied the better. And my research has indicated that there are some VERY unsatisfied ladies around Colombo especially during the months of June & July and from September to December.

‘An organization of male exotic dancers to cater to the exclusive tastes of the discerning Sri Lankan woman of marriageable age’ is what I propose. An exclusively positioned service organization that offers the best and only service of it’s like to a select clientele. I am currently looking for investors although not much investment is needed in terms of infrastructure due to the purely service oriented approach of the whole operation, my main needs are performers.

ARE YOU MALE, between the ages of 19 and 30, possess an attractive physique and great rhythm in your bones? (bones? lol - W). Then drop me a mail with a recent picture and let’s set up a meeting. An attractive remuneration package and numerous perks (er hehe - W) await you!

I am also looking for ideas on how to improve my business model and incorporate needs and wants that may have escaped my attention. So please do contribute your ideas and be entitled to win gift vouchers, DVDs, t-shirts and even investment opportunities! Come share in our success!

Thank you.

Jeremiah Sunandasami Johnson.

jsjenter@hotmail.com

That’s it folks. So please help Mister Johnson out will you, he’s got a great idea I think and I’m sure he can boost up our economy a bit.

Jujups

I'm sitting in the bus today and there's a lady sitting across from me to my right.

Suddenly she starts rummaging in her bag. The bus turns in from the bridge and i look up at the digital clock in the front. Its 8.20! gonna be a bit late to work again...

I look across at the lady, she's got a pack of jujups in her hand.

She starts eating them. One.. Two.. Three..Four..

I'm watching from the corner of my eye..Suddenly remembering that I need to try and glance through some notes while ive got some time. I look at the clock again 8.21.

My eyes are dragged back to the lady on my right. She's devouring the jujups like er, well, let's just say she was devouring them shall we?

Five.. Six..

She's delicately taking them out of the pack one by one and shaking them into the pack as if there are stray drops of sugary honey dripping off of them and she's afraid of them dripping on her shirt. In reality they are just regular sugary, colorful jujups. I imagine their rubbery taste.

Seven.. Eight.. Nine...

The pack finishes. she calmly puts the piece of wrapper ripped off when she opened it back inside. Wipes her mouth with one hand. I look at the clock again. it's 8.22.

I feel slightly pukish.

Religion Bashing

Calling religion ‘bullshit’ because of the actions of those who practice it is somewhat akin to denouncing democracy after taking one look at, for e.g. the Sri Lankan parliament. How many wars have been fought in the name of religion? Quite a few, yes. How many have been fought in the name of country and empire? Lots more. So why don’t we just abolish the existing world governance system and just stop believing it will work? Why don’t we let the world slip into anarchy and see where we end up?

We can’t do that. We won’t do that because in essence, we know, democracy is a good thing. Its fundamental concept, its basic idea, makes sense; The majority gets together and decides who should take care of the tedious job of ruling the land. That’s what it’s supposed to be. But factor in self centered power hungry individuals, vast legal infrastructure that is easily manipulated, unconcerned masses, and years and years of ‘doing the same thing’ and you get the melting pot of world politics that we still believe we can ‘fix’ without calling ‘democracy’ itself ‘stupid’.

We are living in a world where it’s cool to diss religion but for e.g. it is not cool to diss one’s right to an abortion. It is also not cool to diss the government, not very loudly at least, lest you get ‘white-vanned’, but it’s cool to turn a blind eye on hundreds upon hundreds of civilians being killed in the name of ‘fighting terror’. After all it’s the Americans and most of the Western world that are doing it, and they are not fighting in the name of religion are they? They are apparently, fighting in the name of democracy and sovereignty. Look at Vietnam, Iraq, Palestine/ Israel, Panama, Georgia etc. etc. etc the list is endless.

So does that mean we can call ‘democracy’ ‘stupid’? No I believe, and I believe that you believe it’s only certain practitioners of it that make it so and it would be extremely shallow and simply wrong to group everyone who advocates democracy (which includes us voters) and call them stupid too.

‘I’ve always said that God has been the leading cause of human death’ says fellow blogger Dinidu de Alwis. He, to put it simply, is plain wrong or has simply not thought out his statement properly. The leading cause of human death would obviously be natural causes. Hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, old age, disease etc. through the ages of human history. Blame it on lack of technology or knowledge, but to blame it on God would mean accepting He exists, and for a self declared atheist that would be unthinkable.

But in case he was talking simply about conflict. And God being the cause of human death as a result if fuelling religious extremism, then I’d like to have a look at his statistics sheet. For like I said, enough wars have been fought in the name of empire building alone to dwarf any other type of conflict in the history of the human race. World War II/I, The Roman Empire building spree (before Constantinople), Colonialization/ Invasion and I can go on. Sure, religion would have been used as an excuse in certain cases, but to brand these cases under the label of ‘religious warfare’ would be quite erroneous.

The collective human psyche is a complex thing. Wars and conflicts start when people get carried away with generalizations and when reason gives way to fear and anger. War (and as a consequence; death) happens, in most cases, when people stop thinking straight and start becoming, for the lack of a more diplomatic term, ‘Stupid’.

On Belief

Release is wonderful. Us people we always try superficial methods of freeing ourselves from obstacles that hamper us. Things that deceive us. Things that prevent us from understanding our true selves.

Do you believe? and is belief such a hard thing to execute?

Yes. i would say it is. True belief involves giving up a certain degree of rationality. True belief involves faith. You believe in your lover? but how do you know he or she wont turn around and cheat on you the next day? how do you know that despite all that you know of that person, the next day, things could be turned on their head? Your lover is after all, a person just like you. Who could quite acceptably, even unbeknownst to you, feel differently to the way you feel about them. So isn't it faith that keeps us going everyday?

Human beings are creatures of faith. We believe that the sky won't fall on our heads tomorrow. Sure, we might attribute it to a science which tell us that there are no meteors on a collision course with our planet, but how exact is science? those who claim to believe in science are simply claiming to believe in human ignorance.

For that is what 'science' symbolizes, human ignorance. Unfortunately, a term that should be used to describe the expansion of human knowledge, is used to describe the come all and be all of what we are all about. We have become slaves to progression. we are supreme in our belief that we are in our optimum. just look at the Egyptians. they thought they were 'It' at the time. So did the Mayans and I'll bet my last inflated rupee that the Babylonians thought the same. And if you are partial to a fantastical train of thought, then so did the amazingly advanced Atlantians that sunk into the ocean bubbling in decadence born of a magical advancement.

For science doesn't tell us how much we know, as it tells us how much we don't know. Science is but the culmination of existing human knowledge. to 'believe' in it is a folly. when science itself has proven itself wrong many times over. we believe in an objective phenomenon. nothing more. nothing less.

My point is this; There is a lot we know, true. But what we know doesn't even come close in comparison to what we don't know. What I'm trying to say is we might know a whole lot of shit. But the shit that we don't know, is probably enough to keep the sewage systems of several universes running at a steady pace for light years (taken as purely a measurement of time).

So do you believe in science? Do you believe that God does not exist? But how do you know when science has not disproven God's existence? When science does not even get close to exactly defining what goes on in our own heads when we form a single thought, or a single wisp of a dream? No, science is nothing. It is simply the fundamental core of human knowledge. That's all it is.

Just look at the stars. Tell me, do you believe? Do you believe in scale and size? do you believe in fate and the unknown? Do you have faith? OF course you do, you start the day with it every morning. You believe in the unknown everyday. For everyday is a mystery waiting to be discovered, to delve into a cliche, and everyday is potentially damned or blessed. So let's not be audacious here.

'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet'

Went under the influence again. Picked up the ganja boy. He took us to this location in Wellawatte. Gall Road. No weed there though. Too bad.

Came off disappointed and when to location number 2. Place down passing Williams. and this time badu had.

Came to my friends place at bamba. wrapped it. 3 packs. 6 joints and enough left over to fill up a cigarette.

Started smoking.

First, the paranoia spreads. Ado what r we gona do if the cops walk in? it's not like the cops randomly walk in, or have ever walked in, into my friends house. but we were smoking in the garden outside, with some soothing music on, and number one topic of conversation was how to get rid of the leftovers from the whole process of wrapping and preparation. flushing wouldnt work, too many floaty bits. Cant walk into the road and throw it out. Cops might see you and get nosy. Cant chuck it in the drain. What if some shithead saw it falling into the ocean. Dude the cops could come up the drain and attack us from behind! Laughs.

The rest of it is hazy, and the smoke didnt help either. I hate the moments of remarkably truthful insights that hit you when your high. the truth hurts. but most of its not negative, though you dont tend to notice the positive much cos your feeling good most of the time. so you only tend to notice when the good thoughts give away to something extraordinarily sharp and piercing.

Clichés are flung around with reckless abandon. All their clicheness disappearing in the mass of original thought trains reaching their culmination. Making every single statement an end of a journey of independent thought;

'Whats ina rose?'

Blank stares.

Er, I mean, 'Whats in a name?'

Long pause for effect. Then,

'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet'.

Profound silence.

That sort of thing.

Weird snatches of wisdom, that had to have been documented then and there to be thought over later in order to be made sense out of. Sinhalese proverbs translate to english.

'Tree fall man bull prick'

'Twig break, chair make'

and...

'(pointing to shoulder) here wait, ear eat'

the smoke. Its all over the place. The stuff was alright. There is a nursery in my friends house. and in the hall there is a playhouse. I go in there and chill out. listening to some music. It's Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.

Went back in time to finish the last bit of the little cigarette (that was not). Then sat back and wrote a poem.

Its 1.00 am. we are going to pilla to get some food. I call a cab. to go home. got a meeting in the morning. He drives fast. im scared, then thrilled, then bored, then i forget all about the van until he asks me 'how much more to go sir'?

Just a little bit more. Ate. Slept. Its been a good few months since i did this.

Death Magnetic - Finally!

Ardent Metallica fans have been under the influence of the skeptic inside ever since the release of their new full length studio album was announced. The previously much awaited return of the masters of thrash ended in mixed emotions after the disappointment that was St. Anger. So it’s no surprise that I was slightly apprehensive when I held it in my hands for the first time.

Well the cover is classic Metallica at least. An open grave with a suspiciously metallic looking coffin with the soil spread around in a circular pattern. Sort of like the behavior of iron around a magnet. Death Magnetic, get it?

Right, well, on to the important bits, like the actual music for instance. First, an overview of how the whole thing sounds; Every single Metallica album I’ve listened to in the past, with the exception of St. Anger , have required a second listen at least, for the full appreciation of its musical content. This is especially true of the first four absolute smashers they released before they went slightly more commercial with The Black Album (1991). And as I thankfully discovered, Death Magnetic started sounding better and better the more I listened to it. It’s a sort of a mishmash of the various styles of music adopted by the band over the ages. Think a generous dose of difference from all of the first four albums with some elements thrown in from their later efforts such as Black and Load/Re-Load.

pic - the early days

But to say it equals any of the first four in quality and pure power would be an overstatement. I would say the album it most resembles at most times would be '..And Justice for All'. It produces a quality of music that I can only call raw, blunt and it hits you right in the head.

But the great disappointment of Death Magnetic (yes, there is one) is the absence of Kirk Hammet. Oh physically his presence is there and it is obvious that some great guitar work has come in from that genius brain of his but the magic of his rip roaring solos are nowhere to be seen in their former glory. I’m talking haunting stuff like Fade to Black, Creeping Death, One, Ride the lightning and I could go on and on. I’m wondering if Hammet simply doesn’t do his thing like he used to or if the band simply decided to tune down the solo department this time around. Whatever the reason was, it sure is a pity, there’s so much more that could have been done with a little more waah and finger lightning if you know what I mean.

But wait, it would be wrong of me to tell you that Hammet is totally dormant, or that the album does not have its haunting moments. The day that never comes has got a super melodious riff to begin with and culminates in a fiery ending courtesy our favorite lead guitarist. The album also features Unforgiven III, which is a great track in its own right. Although it takes a couple of listens to get the hang of if you, like me, were immediately expecting it to hit the standards of the last two Unforgivens.

The album opens with That Was Just Your Life. A throwback to their early days with the kind of flavor you found in The Four Horsemen (Kill em All ’83). Not as great but still a nice enough opening track. Moving down the track list Broken Beat and Scarred is a magnificent song with classic Hetfield vocals complimented with the drum-guitar combination that Ulrich and Newstead perfected in the early 90’s. Newstead of course, has left the band since then and it seems that new bassist Robert Trujillo has not disappointed in his first ever studio album as a part of the awesome foursome. The pair displays their chemistry again on Cyanide, another ripper of a song.

pic - Ulrich & Trujillo (below)

Death Magnetic finishes strong, with the last three tracks being the best among the lot and the band seeming to have rediscovered some of the rebellious feel that singled out its early releases. That’s one thing that it has in common with the first few greats. Another one is the first instrumental they’ve done since the 1980’s! My black blood cells practically magnetized upon hearing about it and let me tell you. Suicide and Redemption did not fail to impress. It’s easily the pick of the album and offers nine minutes of absolute pure evil bliss.

Overall verdict: It’s true they don’t make ‘em like they used to, but screw that, times change, and so do bands. The album has its pitfalls, but I have no doubt that this one will go down as one of their best. So if you’re already a Metallica fan and haven’t listened to Death Magnetic yet, what the hell are you waiting for? Go grab a copy. You can easily find one anywhere in MC probably. Or download it :-) And if you’re not a fan but intrigued about the band and are looking to get into them, I promise you that you cannot go wrong if you start with this one.

Happy listening people! and you can find anything you need on the official Metallica fan site.

Fridays

Are a representation of our slavery to The Man. We start work on a dreary monday and go through our daily routines till that last magical day of the week is here and then we scream probably one of the most used phrases in history; THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY!

but why thank God? Friday's just another day right? Why can't we say, Thank God It's Monday? I know Mondays are unpopular cos of the work and the beginnig of the sucky parts of our lives but then, why are those parts condsidered to suck? believe me i hate Mondays just as much as you do but to me, it poses an interesting philosophical question...

It is my ambition in life to one day scream Thank God Its Monday! and Tuesday! and Wednesday! And also Thursday! and mean it..

Enjoy what you do, break free from the system and do NOT thank God when its Friday cos afterall, its just another day. Lets not be slaves to our jobs and our lifestyle..

Peace and have a nice weekend :-)

Dawn...

..and the empty sun
rose above the horizon,
to find an empty world,
empty of reason.

Morality itself
was out of season.

Even the swish of its rays
as it swept along the grassy plains
chasing away the darkness,
was muted in enthusiasm.

For the sun felt that
on this day,
the mere presence of it's light
simply would not make the world bright
or clear away the remains
of a shadowy night.

Ask a dumb question..

CIM classes. Marketing Research. Lecturer happens to mention how great it would be if someone came up with a smaller packet of milk powder,

'It'd sell like hot cakes!'

Guy sitting in front : 'someone already did'

Lecturer: 'Really? how big is it?'

Guy: '150 grams?'

Lecturer thinks a bit, then suddenly asks;

'Hey how many cups of tea can you make with 150grams of milk powder?'

Girl sitting in front (after some mental calculation probably, cos she took some time to answer); 'Three Hundred?'

Me: (to myself) 'thats effing half a gram of milk for every cup of tea!' (then quietly trying to laugh my head off but not being too successful. but thats OK since quite a lot of others are also laughing their heads off by now.)

Lecturer: No hey dont laugh, now these are things we should know..(pauses, thinks a bit...) three hundred cups? you're sure?

Oh well... ask a dumb question......

That pothole on the road…

My life, usually so organized, does not function well without a target. A sort of an arrow it is. Leave it around somewhere lying about and pretty soon it’s going to get an attack of the heebie jeebies.


And I’ve got the heebies now. And a mild attack of the jeebies too, I think.

As you might know, if you have been paying attention (narrows eyebrows) I had it all figured out. I was going to get entry into my MBA, go through the VISA application in a breeze, and start a new chapter of my life abroad. Granted, I hadn’t given much thought to what I was going to actually do after the MBA (work probably) but hey, at least I had a plan and knew where it was all heading for the next year yeah? I could sit back and relax a bit.

But then the shit hit the fan. OK that’s not really true, for if the shit hit the fan, there would at least be some justification for my ultimate trust that the variables in my plan would work out. Am I making sense here? Cos I don’t think I am. To put it another way, the shit didn’t even get as far as the fan to begin with.

I had unshakeable belief that things would work out exactly according to plan. This is quite strange for me, the overbearing cynic that I am.

But to say that the ground was pulled out from under my feet would be entirely inaccurate.

No, the ground wasn’t pulled from underneath my feet. It was placed right below me just as I had reached the critical velocity and the precise point where I was supposed to pull the cord to release my parachute so to speak, in a skydiving context and faced with the lack of a better analogy. I took the leap you see, and expected the rest to just be a piece of my Grandma’s delicious ripened date cake.

Then shit happened. Or didn’t even bother to happen, whichever way you look at it.

So now I’m stuck with my mouth hanging open. Except for when it mindlessly moves to shape nonsensicalities without really producing much in the sound department. My legs have kind of lost their sense of feeling as well and are trying to move off in ten different directions at once.

Am I in shock? Hmmm I don’t know doctor, but can I have a lollipop while I think about it?

Veiled

Naughty thoughts, mixing in open draughty halls,

A change from the usual constrained existence.
                                                                 

Haughty friends, taking crazy bends,
On a machine with no rear view mirrors,
Criticize you with empty eyes.

The feeling dries,
The criticism has caught a fleeting wish,
A dream embedded, too scared to voice,
Lest it never come true.

So the time is bidden, the waiting goes on,
But for how long?
And when will this fantasy end
One way or the other?