that time of the year

Shits been getting to me lately and i am having to find the power to squeeze to bring it all out. It is like i've become a compartment for negativity. A sponge. I just absorb it and it disappears into the internal reaches of my being. Who knows what happens to it men. all i know is that my outlook changes and motivation levels are sinking, bloody end of the year. everything has such a climatic cumulative feel to it. like the air is rushing past your ears and your engine's increasing it's roar as the gears shift down and you prepare to screech to a halt on the 31st to take a break and start off all over again.

So morbidly depressing, like machines you say? hell man. This has gotta break free some time. "Very motivated individual biding time to break free from reality and embrace the dreams that have consumed him since childhood". Do you think that'll look good on my CV? nah, didn't think so either.

You know i am beginning to think there is some psychological sense to having a new year resolution. It doesn't justify it, but i am beginning to see why such a phenomenon came to exist. We are all organized from a very micro level to the macro-est level around the 'calendar year'. Jobs, education, companies, schools, birthdays, marriages, childbirths, governments etc etc. It doesn't mean anything though does it? time is continuous after all. yet we've all categorized it into years. and a year is such a neat little pocket to keep it all in isn't it? so we're all about 'woah this year i'll do this' and 'next year i'll do that' and 'in this year there is this significant event's but what we don't realize is that in reality, a year doesn't mean anything special at all. Its jut a pocket of time people, that's all.

But that doesn't change anything, our world is constructed around definitions of time. so we're pretty much forced to live accordingly unless we're in a Maltese beachfront rainforest surfing the waves day after day on a piece of wood shaved off a tree trunk in blissful ignorance of the world of compartmentalized time. Now maybe that's one way to free yourself of the obsessive influence of The System

Since the majority of us are not that lucky, or not that brave, we're all infected with this end of the year fever, because of the system we are living in. And yes its fun, but it's also effing confusing. and a part of me can't wait for the post hangover punch-in-the-stomach daylight surge of reality that January inevitably brings