the love-lust connundrum

lust - i want to bang you

love - i want to bang you forever

there. see? simple.

The Silver Lining

Above and beyond the cloudy gaze
of a grey sky
the inverted columns of sunlight flash off
back into the upper reaches of the atmosphere
as i sit here
thinking of you
attributing the origin of
all the light in the world
to your face
attributing the shifting breeze
weaving through the street
so gentle,
just before the first drizzle,
to your grace
attibuting the light rain
and the sigh of relief of the hot tar road
to your easing
of my pain
Attributing the rain
now pourng forth
to your love and understanding
of my pitted soul.
The flash of lightning
and the thunder heard,
the music of our lives
two wild birds
who dare to float up there,
away from the world
and it's mundane dust,
amidst the angry purple clouds
that rumble in dark blood lust.


for someone special

Trip 2 - an instant in the distant (?) future

Never seen but always realized. ever felt but never chastised. You were there in the unforgotten nights, holding my hand and watching me cry, with pain in your eyes. you were here when i raised my voice. So thoughtlessly did i chastise. So painfully did i inflict upon you, that which you never dreamed of inflicting upon me.

So then we moved and we are here and i am at your bed, and these memories flood. of a love i thought i could better. of a caring i thought i would never need. of a hand i thought i'd never stoop so low as to hold. Memories of the times i laughed secretly, ridicule in my mind. the times of sacrifice, when i was the only one left, supported by hardship, on the lap of luxury.

You left me to live and took death upon your shoulders. from the moment you saw me, you were smitten.

And now i live on to take your legacy. Cursed by your love and my ingnorance. To be slighted at every turn, To suffer in the memory of my cruelty. But i know you know, and i know too, that in reality, there was no love lost. for when it came to you and me, we simply showed it differently.

Trapped

Trapped in a cold bog with nothing to do but sob
Into a heart-throb I wished to turn but it stopped
And it burns to know that
I hurt you and turned you into what you are today

Its pain but I wait until that day when we can be happy together again
That day when the sun may shine in the sky
And roses will twinkle inside a snow storm of wine
The pain and the pleasure will mix and collide

The screams that we let out into the cold dark world
The feelings that went begging for a care or a second look
The times that we thought of taking our own lives
But we lied to ourselves and our thoughts were left behind

The sentient reaches of our minds
Blinded in their haste to get behind
Got behind a sheen of nonsensicality
To hide behind chaos

To conceal from our own selves
The redness of the sores inflicted
The bruises, if we could only see them to cure them
But they are nowhere to be found
Although we know they are there

They are hurting and we turn numb to the pain
Like riders in a desert stop believing in the rain
And like shadows in permanent dark losing hope of the sun
You and I eventually will stop believing in love

First Love

blurred vision
a truth of a new kind
fell on her eyes
as her thoughts slackened
and she got lost
in a slumber of the mind
she prayed,
she hoped it was just another warm illusion
a comforting thought
but just passing by
but no
it was not to be
her heart as yet untouched
as yet untainted
was to be lost
lost in the folds of an innocent lust
lost in a dream of love
lost in a wave
carried towards a shore
far away
never to beat the same
ever again.

Veiled

Naughty thoughts, mixing in open draughty halls,

A change from the usual constrained existence.
                                                                 

Haughty friends, taking crazy bends,
On a machine with no rear view mirrors,
Criticize you with empty eyes.

The feeling dries,
The criticism has caught a fleeting wish,
A dream embedded, too scared to voice,
Lest it never come true.

So the time is bidden, the waiting goes on,
But for how long?
And when will this fantasy end
One way or the other?

Killing thyself for a lost love

Depsindacopus,
sexindafocus,
lostinthejokus,
leftinthelurchus.

Mixing the thought train,
fixing the left brain,
ditching the heart,
and slicing the blood vein.

Feeling the death pain,
screaming the next name,
for the first name is cause,
of this suicide

Feeling the life drain,
seeing the red paint,
closing to numbness,
can't think straight.

Fee ling late,
mi i ssed the bus,
can't think straight,
whats all the fuss?

Whats all the rush,
i'm where i want to be
don't save my life,
i like where i am.

I'm getting away,
took the fire escape
my eyesight must fade
from the memory of that face.

That face...
my eyesight must face...
the memory must fade..


beeeeeep.

The Deafening Silence

Floating through the stratosphere
I am but a particle of dust in comparison
To the vastness of the universe and yet
My longing will never cease
Never till the day you float along beside me
Caught in the same cross currents of the cosmos,
Will I be at peace.
Words of a desire, projected in silence.

Two hearts caught in conjunction
Within a dangerous republic
A republic of morality, led by a vigilante
The vigilante of love.
A collective conscience motivated by,
A ponderous existence.
Words projected with punch drunk emotion,
In the stifling silence.

I float on, in hurtful imbalance
Seeking moderation, acceptance.
The gravity of my being, needing an orbit of affection
To forever circle in a vice like grip
Gripped in intelligence, or a lack thereof.
A passionate existence, led in silence.

A peaceful moderation of the violence born
Of a convivial mutual existence
An unclaimed dream, an admittance into
Binding forces of supernormal proportions
The cosmos raging on, forever and beyond.
For eternal satisfaction, of an unfound vision.

Words of passion,
Spoken with the means of,
An unbreakable silence,
A love for another,
A peaceful existence,
Beyond freedom.

To my unrequited love...

Message in a Bottle

A green little bottle, the cork is screwed on tight. The genie inside might not or might, be waiting to tell you a story of light, a story of darkness, with thunder and flashes of white.

Three wishes my child do not ask for more. Your life can be changed for now and evermore. And for the rest of eternity you will reside, in peace and in riches, i do not lie.

Contemplating the wisdom of the attempt to be made, the mind is taken on a journey of hope, a thrillseeker, the thrills are here to take.

But there is always and will be a price to be paid.

It is the bite of the darkside, the deal is your soul. Live in the light my child all mighty and bold, at the end of your time, the secrets will be told.

And then the darkness will swallow you whole.

Throw the wretched bottle back into the sea, the temptation is there but it is not for me. Destroy it I must yet so should it be? but its too late, the bottle is already out of reach.

If you see it, destroy it.

That was a public service announcement :-)

Sexy Sexy!

(There is basically no point to this post)

Sitting on my chair
I’m dirty and bare naked,
I have lost all my flair, shouldn’t have faked it
Her death was not my fault, she asked for it
I held her by the throat.

My love was full of despair;
Her heart was here nor there
She messed with my head, she dared
She told me I was wrong
So her death was not my fault.

Thin was my temperament,
She drove me to the edge
Made me confuse myself
As we were lying on that bed
And then I held her by the throat.

And I didn’t let her go
I looked into her eyes
And saw through her disguise
Before she faded away
I loved her heart and soul

And now, she’ll never leave.

The simple relationship between Money, Power and Blood...and a love poem.

I had a funny thought in the bus today. It was about money, power and blood. I remember thinking on the relationship between those three elements of human existence. Seems like in the quest for money and power, it is almost impossible not to have any blood on your hands. Now it does not mean that you have to directly pull the trigger or own the hand that holds the knife. I mean even in an indirect sense. Say you work as a respectable economist for a government with a despotic edge to it. A government that ruthlessly eliminates any opposition and refuses to acknowledge the values of the constitution that it is bound to uphold while being immersed in corruption. Don’t the benefits you gain from that job come from the sacrifice of others? From the bloodshed and pain and injustice caused?

Or say you are an honest businessman out to make a healthy living. the environment you operate in is ruled by a government that abuses fiscal policy to benefit certain industries that have no bearing on the development of the country (e.g. FDI and monopolistic foriegn control) and you take advantage of this to make your own money by investing in these areas.

is it really pssible to make money, become rich and powerful without having at least a drop of blood smeared on your hands as a result of your actions affecting the life of some other living being somewhere on this planet?

and now for the love poem..

ahem..

Every single day,
Every single hour
I can see her face.
My never ending fantasy
My wish so long ago
Living in a pipe dream
Happiness it seems
Is so close by
Dancing to the beat
My days go by

But now I am further away
Looking at myself
What if I got what I want?
My mind turns critical
The reality of the dream
Is it just a dream in reality?
It’s an illusion of truth
And that is not always good


so what does love have in common with money and power you ask? well they all make me extremely sentimental.

they are also three things that are highly desirable to the average human being.

And where does the blood come in? well, i'll leave that for you to figure out.