Obama Trashed. Optimus Prime for President; Transformers 2

Before you read any further; mild spoiler alert!

so we went and watched a movie again, and this time it was pretty obvious what it was; a movie. and a rather good one at that, except that Obama gets completely trashed in it.

the whole planet is under threat of complete destruction at the hands of the evil Decepticons and what does the president of the United States do? he runs away leaving his people to suffer and hides in his er, secret hideout. As if the sun going nova will leave anything but an atomic dust particle or two of the solar system behind. But i suppose one can always rely on the audacity of hope.

to make matters worse, he installs one of his cronies from the White House special operations team to take over eveything in his absense. Demonstrating his skill for choosing the 'right people'. This special ops agent must have been the chief toilet block investigator or something because if he'd had his way, Earth would have been flushed down a black hole before you can say 'yes we can!' and wave a flag in an optimistic manner.

To save the day, the army takes command of the military operations like their supposed to, and chucks the last remaining representative of the president of the United States rudely out of an airborne plane. You can almost hear it screaming out; if the US left its dirty work to the military like it was supposed to, they'd overrun pretty much anyone who stood in their way of 'saving the world from evil'. They even partially trash Shanghai, yes Shanghai, the stronghold of the worlds biggest army; in the very beginning of the film. leaving to no doubt as to who holds whom by the balls, at least in the mythical constructs of Hollywood. Im sorry but was George Bush named somewhere as Executive Producer? i missed the credits.

The incompetency of the President aside, the US is portrayed as the world's foremost political and economic superpower, in spite of all real life evidence to the contrary. They decide everything from when to attack to where; infiltrating foreign airspace and carrying out terrible battles in middle eastern villages at a whim. But hey its all good, civillians have to die if the world (read; the US) is to be saved from evil alien threats, especially insignificant poor people in far off countries. the further off the better. Life is only a movie if its outside your boundries of reality afterall.

It doesn't help that the chief of the Decepticons looks like some robotic version of a Pharoah. leading to no doubt as to which rough geographic location evil threats usually originate from, give or take a few hundred clicks to the South or East.

Aside from all that, Megan Fox was hot. Fullstop. And if there was any socio politcal symbolism at all associated with her i missed it as my mind was going 'mwaaa!' weakly, over and over again whenever she came on. Theres gotta be a law against people that hot.

Theres more. One would think that after the total collapse of the US car giants the Autobots would get with the times and start being Toyotas and Hondas when driving around. Instead we see out of production General Motors trucks and gas guzzling Camaros, which try a bit too had to seem cool. Im sorry sir, but im buying a Maruti, as soon as i can afford one.

But they don't appear to have completely lost touch with the current car maket as the 'newly designed' autobots (yeah theres a host of em) prance around in the guises of what can only be CBRs and Kawasakis with all branding removed.

They probably couldn't find any US cars to make the rest cos every single other new robot i could see was either a toaster or a vacuum cleaner when they were not out being badass and cutting other robots to pieces with futuristic chainsaws and laser beams.

All in all, a good watch, great entertainment. Did i mention Megan fox was hot? and humourous. Not Megan Fox, the movie. the movie was humourous. Maybe not as coolly subtle as the first one's sparse scattering of funnies but it still had the audience hooting wth laughter. They also probably needed the jokes to make up for a weak plot, not too great directing and dollop of corny hindi movie moments.

I'd rate it a little bit below Wolverine in terms of pure entertainment value but way below Transformers 1 if you're looking for a real quality watch. But watch it, its better than Night of the Museum 2 and leaves the shitpile i was tortured through last week, in the galactic dust. It'll have you glued to your seat, which is more than what a lot of other movies seem to be capable of doing lately.

Watchmen

We went to watch a movie yesterday. At least i thought it was a movie. If i wasn't constricted to the norms of reality i would call it something between a lullaby and a sleeping pill. Except for the occasional violent bits consisting of child molestation, falling off of buildings, vetically excecuted cleaving-knife chops to skulls, rape and Jerry trying to descreetly grope people it was pretty uneventful.

There was a huge blue chap. body like Adonis. Thoroughly naked but with a blurry bit where his pelvis should have been. I mean, if you're gonna get electricuted or get caught in the middle of a fusion reactor and get superpowers and all that junk, the least that could be asked for is to have all your organs intact, to take advantage of the perks of the job, so to speak.

But he didnt seem to be totally deprived. There was this latex clad bombshell whom he used to satisfy while also looking at the advanced schematics of a nutron bomb diffuser at the same time, a fact which she didnt seem to appreciate, not that i think it felt any different; she just resented the fact that he could actually think of saving the world from nuclear holocaust when he was 'supposed' to focus his complete attention on her (This type of behavior comes standard with the package when it comes to women, even in movies).

Disaster was averted when she dumped him for a geek with a Batman fetish, who flies around in a crazy contraption that looks like a bulemic bee. He ends up crying like a baby in the end, when his boyfriend dies.

There were snaps of political rhetoric that were obviously meant to be some sort of subtle and darkly witty neo-Marxist critique of the existing social order. There was, to end with, a noble 'message' where the bad guy walks free and the good guy (the blue guy) takes the fall and goes back to Mars to build merrygorounds so that people can live in peace and achieve the much dreamed of status of a 'global hippie community'* for the rest of survival.

*Meaning they would start smoking marijuana and living in the open and permanently give up on baths because they are a call back to 'civilization' which is symbolized by 'industrialization' which harks back to 'competition' which reminds them of 'competing for resources' which obviously means war and if there is one thing a hippie hates it is war.

So they shunned technology and took to idyllic foresty villages and gave up on space exploration (because 'technology' is 'civilization' and so on and so forth) and they all died a few millennia later when the sun went nova. And the Blue guy banged his head repeatedly against Sirius because it was all his fault they turned into hippies and missed out on the chance of colonizing the Milky Way and saving themselves.

That last bit will probably show up on the sequel. Oh wait, crappy movies don't get sequels; that last bit will probably be buried in some unread script in the dusty corridoors of Universal Studios 'til some 'creative type' picks it up fifty years down the line and my grandson later writes a post about it on his blog which would be similar to this one if he had any taste to speak of in entertainment.

The Way

This song has been in my head for the past coupla days now. Can't shake it off. It's my new ringtone as well. It's an awesome freedom anthem man. The embodiment of an urban fantasy for eternal bliss.

It's based on a true story, that of Lela and Raymond Howard, an elderly couple from Salado, Texas. They left their home to go to a family reunion 15 miles away and never arrived there. They disappeared on the road. Fastball bassist Tony Scalzo came up with the idea for the song after reading the articles (the band is from Austin, Texas) in the papers after the couple's disappearance. He said "It's a romanticized take on what happened" meaning he didnt go 'aiyo sin men' and picture something that someone else might, like an unfortunate accident maybe. No, He pictured them on a quest for freedom. Reunited with their younger days, punch drunk with love again, their whole lives ahead of them, going down that golden road, perhaps signifying heaven.

As it turned out, and as the band discovered soon after they wrote the song, the couple had met with an accident, and a very unfortunate one at that. But the song stands testament to Fastball's brilliance. And to the wonderful nature of the human imagination. And also i am sure, as a fitting tribute to Lela and Raymond.

***

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?

They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down They started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see The road that they walk on is paved in gold
And It's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll Never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows Wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happier there today , today

The children woke up
And they couldn't find 'em
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off
And left it all behind 'em
But Where were they going Without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And It's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll Never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happy there today , today (repeat)

~ Fastball.
(video)

Death Magnetic - Finally!

Ardent Metallica fans have been under the influence of the skeptic inside ever since the release of their new full length studio album was announced. The previously much awaited return of the masters of thrash ended in mixed emotions after the disappointment that was St. Anger. So it’s no surprise that I was slightly apprehensive when I held it in my hands for the first time.

Well the cover is classic Metallica at least. An open grave with a suspiciously metallic looking coffin with the soil spread around in a circular pattern. Sort of like the behavior of iron around a magnet. Death Magnetic, get it?

Right, well, on to the important bits, like the actual music for instance. First, an overview of how the whole thing sounds; Every single Metallica album I’ve listened to in the past, with the exception of St. Anger , have required a second listen at least, for the full appreciation of its musical content. This is especially true of the first four absolute smashers they released before they went slightly more commercial with The Black Album (1991). And as I thankfully discovered, Death Magnetic started sounding better and better the more I listened to it. It’s a sort of a mishmash of the various styles of music adopted by the band over the ages. Think a generous dose of difference from all of the first four albums with some elements thrown in from their later efforts such as Black and Load/Re-Load.

pic - the early days

But to say it equals any of the first four in quality and pure power would be an overstatement. I would say the album it most resembles at most times would be '..And Justice for All'. It produces a quality of music that I can only call raw, blunt and it hits you right in the head.

But the great disappointment of Death Magnetic (yes, there is one) is the absence of Kirk Hammet. Oh physically his presence is there and it is obvious that some great guitar work has come in from that genius brain of his but the magic of his rip roaring solos are nowhere to be seen in their former glory. I’m talking haunting stuff like Fade to Black, Creeping Death, One, Ride the lightning and I could go on and on. I’m wondering if Hammet simply doesn’t do his thing like he used to or if the band simply decided to tune down the solo department this time around. Whatever the reason was, it sure is a pity, there’s so much more that could have been done with a little more waah and finger lightning if you know what I mean.

But wait, it would be wrong of me to tell you that Hammet is totally dormant, or that the album does not have its haunting moments. The day that never comes has got a super melodious riff to begin with and culminates in a fiery ending courtesy our favorite lead guitarist. The album also features Unforgiven III, which is a great track in its own right. Although it takes a couple of listens to get the hang of if you, like me, were immediately expecting it to hit the standards of the last two Unforgivens.

The album opens with That Was Just Your Life. A throwback to their early days with the kind of flavor you found in The Four Horsemen (Kill em All ’83). Not as great but still a nice enough opening track. Moving down the track list Broken Beat and Scarred is a magnificent song with classic Hetfield vocals complimented with the drum-guitar combination that Ulrich and Newstead perfected in the early 90’s. Newstead of course, has left the band since then and it seems that new bassist Robert Trujillo has not disappointed in his first ever studio album as a part of the awesome foursome. The pair displays their chemistry again on Cyanide, another ripper of a song.

pic - Ulrich & Trujillo (below)

Death Magnetic finishes strong, with the last three tracks being the best among the lot and the band seeming to have rediscovered some of the rebellious feel that singled out its early releases. That’s one thing that it has in common with the first few greats. Another one is the first instrumental they’ve done since the 1980’s! My black blood cells practically magnetized upon hearing about it and let me tell you. Suicide and Redemption did not fail to impress. It’s easily the pick of the album and offers nine minutes of absolute pure evil bliss.

Overall verdict: It’s true they don’t make ‘em like they used to, but screw that, times change, and so do bands. The album has its pitfalls, but I have no doubt that this one will go down as one of their best. So if you’re already a Metallica fan and haven’t listened to Death Magnetic yet, what the hell are you waiting for? Go grab a copy. You can easily find one anywhere in MC probably. Or download it :-) And if you’re not a fan but intrigued about the band and are looking to get into them, I promise you that you cannot go wrong if you start with this one.

Happy listening people! and you can find anything you need on the official Metallica fan site.

Random weavings through the blogosphere

OK so I was bored. Things have been a bit quiet on the blogosphere. Mostly repeated political and other boring stuff going on. and i think its about time that people stopped talking about porn. the jokes getting a bit too old. I closed my eyes and randomly moved my mouse pointer up and down over the list of blogs on Kottu. Here’s my review on what I found.


LIRNE Asia – some sort of telecom industry blog. “A regional information and communication technology (ICT) policy and regulation capacity-building organization active across the Asia Pacific”. Something like. ICT for peace then. Looks good but im in no mood for this right now.

Day to Day – "Inexperienced blogger. Comments welcomed" it says. Two posts. One titled 'first day'. Other one says that the writer is freaked out about upcoming ALs in no uncertain terms. Also reiterates his doubts in the first post as to whether anyone will read his or her blog. Well I did. All of it. Hope G_MAN (guess its a he) comes online and starts doing his thang again soon. Oh ya and a sort of interesting discourse on the local education system seen firsthand from some who, in his own opinion, seems to have got the somewhat shittier end of the stick : -)

Six & Out - someone called Rosh last blogged about how shifting to a new place is wreaking havoc in their life. A self confessed former addict to facebook, something to which I can relate to. Apparently also an enthusiastic member of fighters club too. Now in my opinion those guys either have waay too much time on their hands or there is something intrinsically wonderful about fighters club that I’ve somehow missed.

Random Rantings - first I have to say that there seem to be quite a few blogs that expound the words ‘random’ and ‘ranting’. Guess those are two words synonymous with blogging. Anyways, tinkerbell here blogs about nothing in particular. A HUGE number of older posts so tinkerbell has been at it for a while. Obviously a veteran. Came across a post on funerals which I thought was pretty great.

Maheshsandaruwan - Another one of those blogodrome curiosities. Kid from rural Sri Lankan village. Blogging about topics such as ‘my grandma’, ‘water’, ‘my school’ etc. what I find interesting is that these kids somehow find the enthusiasm to start up a blog site whilst living in a remote area of a country like ours. Questions pop into my mind; does he own a computer? How did he get exposed to blogging etc. Last post May 11. He’s also got a flikr account. hmmmm

SeeJay.net - Wanna learn GIMP??? The topmost post screams at me. No thanks. Maybe later. Good looking blog though.


That’s when I found something else to do. But it’s crazy the amount of blogs that are there on kottu. Most of my findings were previously nknown to me. Makes me wonder at the furious exchange of thoughts and ideas that would ensue if they were all thoroughly active. But who has the time eh?