Suspicion

I am a deeply suspicious individual. Why? I do not know. I have always had deep rooted trust issues with people. Always? I don’t know. Maybe they materialized after a serious blow I did have a couple of years ago. As I remember I was a deeply trusting person. But I wasn’t an idiot. I used to let people have their way, but I also used to watch them and see what they were up to or maybe I didn’t. Maybe in retrospect I have lost my ability to judge my trusting nature in those years previous to my big ‘trust implosion’.

Repeatedly I have found myself in situations where I have suspected totally absurd things about what people were upto only to be proven wrong with the passage of time. One thing I have learned and tried to do is be aware of my mistrust and paranoid conspiratorial personality. So I actually try not to make any hasty decisions based on emotions. I guess the more you put yourself through tough situations, the more capable you get. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Its an old saying, but its been proven ight time after time after time.