Bum-Napoleon (The One)

Yikes! he cried. As the goofy gondola crashed inside, it crashed in through the back wall and destroyed his slumber, the wonder and the illusion of his dream shattered amidst showers of fresh soil and manure, not the most pleasant awakening.

Snap! his bed cracked. and before he could say 'oh shat!' (after O Shah't the great general who'd once had a similar experience) he bruised his little bottom. oh what a connundrum.

Tomorrow was bottom inspection! oh no! he had meant it to look so good. he had meant it to shine and shame every other bottom worth its silly alien name, but now he'd fail.

Ah! the despair. Oh! woe is me. WHY the GReat Light in The sky! HEy! yeh im talking to you! Why!??

BECAUSE.

came the answer.

THE WORLD IS CIRCULAR AND YET IT IS ROUND. SO IS YOUR BOTTOM WHEN TAKEN INDIVUDUALLY, AND ITS PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS TURNED AROUND. YOU WILL NOT SUFFER LITTLE ONE DO NOT WORRY, THERE WILL BE A DAY WHEN YOUR BUM WILL ROCK THE VERY SCRUMS OF THE EARTH. AND THE HUMANS WILL BEND TO ITS WILL.

Earth what is that? said the little bottom fighter. The warrior, at least he thought he was. He was going to join the campaign tomorrow! everyone had said he could! his bum laser was strong now! He was crying, he thought about all the dreams he'd been having. He was going to destroy the stupid aliens. He was going to kill and fell their meta meta blitzer ships with his dehomonized advanced infraspectral bum ray, a special addition being the new ultra light ammunition reload dimension intesifeier, a birthday present.

And now he couldn't.

GHUT SBGGQWNX Q)()&*)*())*!!!

they let him wail.

The first Great Light in the sky looked at the other Great Light in the sky;

'nice work James!' he said. 'i almost flickered myself when you made that bed snap!'

'thanks Mac, a little bit of extra skill for the look of the thing' winked James.

They turned to the other Great Lights floating around in the vastnes of space.

'Nice work Boys!' they chorused. And laughed.

But the first Great Light only nodded gravely.

'He is young' he said. 'He must wait'.

Then they all fell silent. Thinking.