SPECIAL REPORT: Why Mervin Should Not Be Arrested

So the Supreme Court has released an arrest warrant for the notorious gangster Mervin Silva. Now we all know the gangster side of him. The side we’ve come to love and admire; friend of the poor, protector of the masses etc. But little did we know that he is actually the reincarnation of the great magician from Camelot, here to advise our very own version of King Arthur. Yes, his real name is MERLIN people, not Mervin. You read it first on The Whackster’s Lair.

Astrologers have been working on the mystery of Mervin for quite some time now and have no other explanation for his amazing deeds. Never before has such an exceptional level of thuggery been seen in this country, not even from the experts at the art that we usually get in the mob house honorable institution we lovingly refer to as the ‘parliament’. Such is the class of Mervin that he openly engages in public violence and gets away with it scot free. And never, not since medieval times has such blatant disregard for law and order by an official, meant to uphold the very values and ethics he breaks, been welcomed with so much ardor and love from his fellow goons members of the mob house parliament.

However, to get off the sarcastic tone and onto a more serious one, the very same astrologers have made a startling discovery in the process of their studies. They have discovered that the soul of Merlin the magician, originally full of virtue and goodness, had grown contemptuous and bitter after long years stuck wandering the cosmos, from sheer impatience out of waiting for the prophesied time to come. Merlin, only meaning to do good to the world and help the masses, had grown into a seething mass of hate and bitterness, out for the kill you could say.

For mystics speak of a prophesy, a prophesy whispered to Merlin on his deathbed so many years ago, by a mysterious sha-man from the Arctic. And as he lay there dying, he was told that his soul must wait till there was someone born who will be worthy enough to accept him into his body. A noble individual whose nobility was beyond comparison. So Merlin was destined to wait.

Centuries, no, millennia had to pass before the prophesied little boy was born with the bodily infrastructure suitable enough for the great soul of Merlin. And there, born out of wedlock to a cattle breeder, little Mervin Silva screamed his first note of defiance into the backside of a brooding cow, which promptly peed on him.

Such were his roots. But the corrupted soul of Merlin the magician took over our poor hero, who was meant to save us from oppression, and turned him to something dark. Very dark. I will not stress on what happened next. His meteoric rise to glory among the retarded political class. His open love for violence, his equally corrupt offspring etc.I am confident that you are aware of them. But a growing body of evidence is being discovered through various secret underground experiments carried out by famous astrologers working non-stop on the problem, that Mervin can actually be reformed, that the corrupt soul of Merlin can actually be exorcised from the body of this poor man; and made good once again.

In accordance with this, the astrologers and the powerful sponsors of these studies are ready to secretly provide concrete evidence to the Supreme Court that arresting Mervin Silva will only antagonize the soul of Merlin. It will only heap upon us destruction and oppression of previously untold proportions. The only way, the evidence strongly suggests, is to appease the soul of Merlin, to let him express his hate and release all the frustration pent up through millennia a little more, until he sees the good side of things, or is made to see it. Therefore, it is the belief of many that Mervin’s arrest should be vehemently avoided for his own good and the good of his countrymen.

So Sri Lankans are advised (chiefly by the anti-propagandist left wing media organizations) to be a bit more patient. A little less selfish. Who are we to mess with matters well beyond our intellectual capacity? Do not clamor for the arrest of Mervin, for that will only bring about more suffering upon you. Let our ignoble leadership handle him. They've done a splendid job so far. Put your faith in them just a little bit more.