Under the Influence

Oh yes, it has overcome me once again. The Urge. The urge compels me. Need to smoke, need that sweet release, need it. NEED IT!

A cigarette won’t do. No, my addiction is far more adventurous. Cigarettes are mundane and every day things. What I need is something much better! Aahh, I can imagine it now. Lighting one up, perhaps sitting here. Slipping back, relaxxxing, letting the smoke float away into the still evening air. As I feel myself giving up the weights that are holding me down, a sensation of freedom takes over. It is hard to explain if you are not experiencing it, but I will try here. It is like a sinking sensation inside you. You feel all that is negative and forlorn in this world seep down through your body and earth itself through the soles of your feet. You are left with a free head ready to explore the very corners of the universe and appreciate every single blade of grass on this earth.

At least, that’s how it used to be.

I don’t know if I was addicted. But there was a time where a weekend would not be a weekend without a trusty Mary Jane to burn. That was a long time ago. It’s been a good few months since my last toke. And I have passed up several opportunities to smoke up during that time period. It’s not like I quit. Cos I don’t think I have, and it’s not like I stopped temporarily, ‘cos I don’t think I have. It is just that a part of me thinks that the influence of this particular drug creates adverse affects on my mentality.

When you do it for a while, you begin to notice changes in your psyche. You start living the week looking forward to that weekend toke, you think of the freedom in your mind when you are high and you stop giving a rat’s ass about the world around you. You live a calm life and chill out while the world rumbles on all around you. You sink yourself in your comfort zone. And you don’t want to get out of it. That’s the kind of lifestyle that got me thinking that I would be perfectly happy somewhere smoking up and running a dive shop on some exotic beach somewhere surfing my life away.

And I would have been too.

But then reality took over, and the desire to ‘make – it’. , ran into a better job, got a girlfriend (although I don’t think that affected it much) and slowly became aware of the opportunities out there. Well, I quit smoking every weekend but still earned a reputation for a ganja boy. Had a bit of a bad ass ring to it. I loved being the sole smoker in a group who liked nothing better than to get drunk and get wasted. While I sat and Observed.

Now I’ve moved on from that and I don’t want to be too presumptive but maybe I am a changed person. But the Urge comes and goes now and then and who knows, maybe on some dreamy day somewhere when Mother Nature surrounds me at her most beautiful and I am surrounded by some good friends, maybe then I’ll have a few puffs again.